Self Expression Magazine

Unfriend the Unfriendly

Posted on the 28 June 2016 by Sofia Essen @SofiaEssen

Sofia Essen Author Relationships Friendship Change Toxic People Family Tips

Hello there!

If you’ve perused my previous blog posts, you’ll know that I’m a minimalist at heart. I’m a less is more kind of person. I don’t like having a bunch of junk hanging around. I prefer quality over quantity.

I take a minimalist approach to personal relationships too. When it comes to relationships, I truly believe quality matters, not quantity. People, just like possessions, can weigh you down, especially toxic people.

What is a toxic person? Well, they come in all shapes and sizes. But here are a few examples of toxic individuals:

1. Someone Who Makes You Feel Bad In Their Presence.
2. Someone Who Takes Without Giving Back.
3. Someone Who Belittles Your Goals.

They may not be aware of it but toxic people enjoy wallowing in their misery and get a thrill out of spreading it around. They’re not open to constructive feedback after they’ve spent an hour complaining about their problems because they don’t want to change. They’re stuck because they consciously or subconsciously chose to be. But you don’t have to be stuck with them.

Life is too short to waste on bad relationships.

Does that sound harsh? Probably. But it’s true. And I speak from experience.

People can be toxic in many different ways. One toxic person in my life was emotionally manipulative. She used up my time and resources by guilt-tripping me into doing things for her that she should have been handling herself. Another “friend” of mine always talked about herself and how unhappy she was with her life but she refused to do anything about it. Both of these people took without giving back. The friendships were a one way street so I had to let them go.

I want you to take a moment to think about the relationships in your life. Do you feel energized or drained by them?

Toxic people make you feel worse than you did when you started talking to them. They bring your energy level down. They leave you feeling bummed out.

There is a big difference between people who share difficulties they’re dealing with and people who constantly complain. Someone who is genuinely struggling is willing to listen to constructive feedback and is open to change. Whiners and complainers don’t want to change. They just want you to feel sorry for them.

Toxic people shoot down your ideas. They question what you’re doing. They belittle your goals by saying something like, “Is that really realistic? Maybe you should stick to doing what you know you can do.” Even though it might sound like they’re giving you advice, they’re actually trying to put doubt in your head. Whether they’re aware of it or not, they want you to feel as insecure and trapped as they do.

No one, no matter who they are or what position they hold in your life, has the right to infect your environment with negativity, make you feel bad about who you are, or try to force you to live the life that they think is best for you. This includes your parents, your children, your spouse, and your best friend since the first grade in school.

You deserve to surround yourself with people who accept you unconditionally, support your plans, and make you feel good in their presence.

If a person in your life is bringing you down with their negativity, be honest and tell them. Give them a chance to do better. If they refuse to change their behavior, cut ties with them. Don’t take their calls. Stop replying to their e-mails. Don’t let them in when they come knocking on your door. Unfriend them online and in real life too.

How you remove toxic people from your life is up to you. It doesn’t really matter how you do it. Just do it. Why? Because life is too short to waste on bad relationships.

That’s all from me for now.

Have a great week ahead,
– Sofia

Unfriend the Unfriendly

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