When my first real reader commented on a post of mine, I decided blogging was going to be my new hobby– and so I read nearly everything on the internet about blogging.
All the way up to that point, I didn’t know anything about blogs. All I knew is that I wanted my hobby to stick.
I didn’t know that many of my favorite websites were really blogs. I didn’t know that a few people make a living from it, and that millions others wanted to. I also really had no idea about a lot of the questions that the articles were asking me– like what my niche was going to be, and how frequently I could commit to writing. Those aspects of it didn’t bother me too much, since they focused on financial success, whereas I was seeking information on longevity.
As I’ve mentioned before, my hobbies have a quick burnout rate– though when they’re aflame, they burn brightly.
Much of the information was familiar to me, since it was more about building a public website than specifically about running a blog. I’ve been designing websites since I was a little dino, and as such had written my own share of articles on “content writing for the internet”, search engine optimization, and web design marketing.
There was also a good deal of information on social etiquette. Perhaps thanks to my early childhood education in Texas, or perhaps thanks to my parents, most of this didn’t come as a shock to me either. It was all mostly advice that applied to all things social. Be patient. Make friends where you can. Do what you can for others. Take care of yourself, too. Be grateful for the goodwill that comes your way. Everyone is good at something; no one is good at everything.
I was raised with those concepts written on my walls. Literally.
I was completely fascinated, though, with the articles about blogging cliques and reaching past your group of blogging friends. Many of the most popular and longest-writing bloggers in the world have a frequently asked questions page, and information for bloggers– and outside of regular writing and authenticity, bloggy friendships are one of the most discussed topics.
At the start, I didn’t really understand at all. It doesn’t make sense if you’re thinking about blogs like any normal website. You don’t really make friends from normal websites. I filed the information in the back of my brain, and continued on.
Since then, things have changed. I’ve really settled into blogging and I’ve been at it for nearly 15 months. I’m not yet comfortable enough with the title “blogger” to rock it on Label Day, or to introduce myself as such– but I know I’ve turned this pastime into a real hobby.
Along with the growth of my blog and development of blog experience, has come this understanding how blog cliques form– it’s really unintentional, but sometimes you start with others at the same time, sometimes others are involved in the same prompts with you, and sometimes you all just follow the same bloggers. The cliques seem so obvious when I’m commenting on other blogs. They’re beautiful things to witness because they represent blossomed friendships. Still, they can make me hesitate to jump into the fray. I feel like the new kid in school each time.
Many of those articles I read when I started emphasized all these points and came to the conclusion that you should always be seeking new bloggy friends. One, because some blogs fade away. Two, because cliques can be off-putting. And three, because you can’t have too many friendships.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/clique
Except, herein lies the riddle– you can. You can have too many friends.
You can have so many blog friends that you don’t get to visit their blogs as often as you’d like, that you have stacks of books waiting to be read, and that you actually aren’t being much of a friend at all. Of course, in short bursts of time, friends are forgiving of such things– but really, where’s the line between being so cliquish that you stop looking for friends or frighten people away– and the point where your constant seeking of more friends actually results in being the sort of person no one should befriend?
Science has an answer. To borrow straight from Wiki, “Dunbar’s number is a suggested cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships. [That limit] has been proposed to lie between 100 and 230, with a commonly used value of 150.”
Of course, Dunbar is not infallible and science has been wrong before– but the idea that there is a limit has a ring of common sense to it.
All of this popped into my mind because my husband and I spent most of the day by ourselves and I kept tallies on the number of bloggers I mentioned. 56. Just today. I have more than 100 close friends and family members, so I’m already over my limit. If I was trying to mention bloggers, I could have done. There are at least 400 of you that are common household names around here.
And perhaps I don’t hit “like” often enough, and I know I don’t comment often enough– but I read, to myself and sometimes to Dave. We send people your links and we discuss. We talk about comments you left somewhere else and how that relates to what you wrote a year ago.
I know you. I consider many of you to be friends.
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I’ve read my stream of consciousness above to myself a few times, and concluded that, though there is probably a friendship limit, I haven’t reached it yet.
Maybe it just comes down to the fact that I’m not the greatest friend in the world. I’m always there when you need me– always– but I only occasionally mail birthday cards and I sometimes forget important things, even while remembering what types of noodles you prefer. Sometimes I’ll send you a Christmas card even if you don’t celebrate. If you’re a blogger, I’ll almost definitely have a conversation about your blog and forget to comment or hit like. If I had to depend on memory alone, I would almost definitely forget your blog’s web address.
Maybe mediocre friends have a higher capacity? Maybe my super-organization skills help?
This is just one of the many things about blogging that I’m wrapping my mind around. I love solving riddles and puzzles, and blogging has been one after another. It’s no wonder that this is the hobby that stuck.
It’s always one step ahead of me.
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Any thoughts on blogging and friendships? What kind of noodles do you prefer?
Also– for the new friends that have joined me recently, welcome. For those who (like me on other blogs) have been silent for fear of intruding on a clique, please speak up and say hey. Go ahead and comment on another comment. Go ahead and just leave a smiley face as a comment.
I promise there’s no cliques here that you aren’t welcome to join.
… In fact, we’ve probably been waiting for you.
