There are some random things in life that I just don't understand, one of them is why the packaging on food marketed towards children have happy faces on them. Why would anyone, children included want to eat something that has a face on it? Another is why no one has ever questioned the absurdity of the opening lyric to Michael Jackson's "Bad", and finally the eighth world wonder of my tiny world is why ex-boyfriends always want to remain friends, especially the ones who have dumped your ass. What gives?
Picking up where we last left off earlier this week, after a lovely week in Montauk, I came back to my mom's house to find this waiting for me in my Facebook inbox:
Salut Cocotte,
Are you capable of finally putting aside your precious pride and accept my offer to have a few drinks with me? Are you ready to be friends with me?
Bise. MF.
He has been pushing this idea of a friendship with me since the break-up in February 2011. At first I thought it was a polite formality, something to say to soften the blow of him rejecting me. It wasn't until he was actually showing up at my apartment with to-go cafe noisettes from La Perle, wanting to gossip about the Marais as if we weren't in a monogamous relationship weeks prior was when I realized that this guy wasn't just being nice, he really did want to be friends. This recent e-mail only confirms that he still stands strong in his conviction to be my friend. So to recap: I wasn't good enough to marry but I'm good enough to be friends with. Oh joy. Really, what every woman wants to hear...
What MF is not understanding is that we didn't break-up with the understanding that the relationship had run its course, we both grew and got what we needed out of it, and will now remain the dearest of friends. We don't live in Hollywood where the details of our break-up is a pile of bullshit manufactured by our overpaid publicists. Don't you hate when you read about a celebrity couple breaking up and that they are parting as close friends? I'm sorry but when a break-up happens there is always, always, always one person who doesn't want it, and anyone who says different is not being honest with themselves. I'm not saying that you can't be friends with someone who has dumped you, perhaps years later it can happen, but right after? You're only fooling yourself to trick them back into the relationship. I know that because I tried that during the early stages of the break-up with MF, and found myself getting pissed at him for not wanting to cuddle...naked. Friends don't do that.
I thought about ignoring the e-mail, like I have his last three but there is so much that I have kept locked up that I wanted him to know, now that I have completely moved beyond the plausibility of reuniting romantically. And just to be clear about something, it wasn't so much the break-up that I am angry about, I get it, break-ups happen, it's how he treated me after when all I wanted to do was sort it out alone.
I constructed a well-thought-out e-mail, with bullet points as to why we can't be friends and wishing him the best (which between you and I, I only half meant). After sending it, I felt good. I didn't once worry what he would think about me, was I too harsh or was I too nice? No. I sent it with no regrets. He should know exactly why a friendship isn't in our foreseeable future. Why can't we be friends? Because if your friendship is anything like you in a relationship, I'll take a pass. He wrote back a day later and this is when my heart just crumbled...What happened a year ago today? This!
