…

Crumbling

again

What goes up

will come down.

I’m overwhelmed.

Party planning (am I really cut out for this?)

Whether or not to sign up for yoga teacher training in the fall (big time/money commitment)… is this who I want to be?

Michelle leaving work, I already miss her

I’m always so tired

so

painfully

exhausted.

Weight plateau

Guilt over clothes shopping for myself last weekend, money doesn’t grow on trees, a lot of financial factors, I hate money

I NEED to switch jobs; I’m bored, unhappy with my coworkers, need something new to sink my teeth into, need to feel desired.

Weirdly, a lot of this is because of this huge party I’m planning for Alex, with his money and his house.  I was so pleased to be asked to plan, but am incredibly stressed out about all of it and it’s honestly making me reconsider whether or not I want to go into event planning.  I love the ideas phase and the day-of execution, but the stuff in the middle makes me nervous (especially spending his money!)

I love yoga.  I love health.  I love people.  I love optimism.  I love using my head.  I love leadership.  I love ideas.  I love color.  I love fun.  I love food.  I love some kinds of stress.  I love music.  I love dogs.  People trust my opinion.  My girlfriends routinely ask my advice.  People say I’m a good listener.  I love to write.  I LOVE words.  I love sunshine.  I love warmth.  I love healthcare.  I love events.  WHAT JOB IS THAT?  WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING WITH MY LIFE?

Looking forward to getting the party prep over with and just enjoying it.  I will remember these feelings the next time someone asks me to plan.  Looking forward to it being over.  Tomorrow I meet with my neurologist and sleep doctor to hear the results from the sleep study and find out what my outcome is.

I just hate this pervasive feeling of guilt/nerves.  Wish I had therapy this week.  Wish I knew what I was doing.