100 Years Of Being Independent: India in 2047.
Posted on the 19 September 2013 by Sreesha
@petrichor_blore
In the year 2047, in the month of
August, India will have been free (raucous laughter being heard in the
background as I type the word “free”) for a hundred years. A hundred years of “Bharat
maata ki jai” and “Mera bharat mahaan” and “Saare jahaan se achha” and “the
pride of being an Indian and all Indians being my brothers and sisters.”
I let myself paint a picture in my
mind. I imagine myself, all of 60, waiting to celebrate watching the
celebration on TV not giving a damn about the 100th independence day
of my beloved nation.
I glanced at the newspaper. I still
read only the comics page (even at 60, I still love Calvin from Calvin and
Hobbes more than any other character – real or imagined) But a headline caught
my eye. Pakistan is still attacking soldiers at the border. The LoC is now a
little above Madhya Pradesh. After completely capturing J&K, they thought, “This
is too easy. Why not venture a little more into the country?”
We have yet again “humbly requested”
Pakistan to “please stop, yaar!”
I am too old to read this headline
over and over again. I turn the page.
The new iPhone has been launched. It
is as tall as my pet horse. The last one wasn’t too small either. I shudder as I
remember that one time I passed by a playschool and I saw a bunch of toddlers
carrying their phones above their heads. Granted, they are as light as
feathers, but the phones looked like portable ceilings in the hands of those
little munchkins!
A glass monument has been unveiled
in Jayanagar 9th block by BDA. It is called the Tower of Garbage. The
highest ever pile-up of garbage in the history of the universe was being honored.
The glass is atom-bomb-proof, reflects light and from certain angles, even the
colors of the invisible spectrum are visible. “This glass monument will bring Bengaluru
on the global map again,” stated the CM. “It was a severe blow to us when the
IT companies were forcefully shut down,” the CM wiped a tear from the corner of
his eye. He concluded with, “This garbage tower makes me proud of Bengaluru. My
son was able to see it from the moon while it was still being constructed!” Someone
politely whispered to the CM that there has been yet another delay in the
official name change of the city. The CM brushed the unnamed man aside and
bowed to the audience.
A cow that was crossing a road in
Pune was brutally abused by four minor (albeit, hot-blooded) youths. The police
nabbed them in less than twenty-four hours after the crime was committed and
all four have been sentenced to death. Their lawyer argued that they are
juveniles, but the judge is said to have said, “Age does not matter. Look at
the nature of the crime. The victim here is a cow! Cow is our mother!” Meanwhile,
another victim’s parents have been fighting a similar case since the past
several years. However, the victim is a human (and a girl) and is not the judge’s
mother.
India lost another cricket match. It
is not surprising, since most of the players entered films and most of the
out-of-work actors entered cricket. Besides, nobody watches it anymore, due to
all the comedy that goes on in these matches, that it is not even funny
anymore.
Some of the members of my generation
have allegedly sent an appeal to the Sports Minister to introduce Quidditch
tournaments in India. According to rumours, more than half our population
comprises of wizards and witches. (Another rumor has been doing the rounds that
most Indians are parselmouths and can speak to snakes!) I smile as I read about
the Quidditch appeal. All sports except cricket have been abolished due to lack
of funding and cricket is just a lost battle that we love to lose repeatedly!
I flip to the entertainment section.
Rajnikant has signed a new movie. It has been reported that Shah Rukh Khan’s
granddaughter will play the female lead. This will be her first film. I scoff.
I finally reach the comics page and
begin reading. A bunch of ads are jumbled in the corner of the page –
matrimonial ads, describing “fair and slim” boys; an investment scheme for
beggars; a fence cover that gives an electric shock to anyone who pees or spits
on your fence (price available on request); portable kitchens; a watch company
that manufactures watches that allow you to be “fashionably late” to every
occasion you are invited to; an eraser that helps you erase off ink marks from
currency notes; mosquito repellents (even in this day and age! Sigh!);
digitized dogs and other pets; honeymoon packages to space. And a lot more.
My neighbor comes over to watch the
PM’s address on my 80" holographic TV. Her house is too crowded with the
preparations of her daughter’s fifth wedding, but she wouldn’t miss the PM’s
address. It’s the 100th year, after all! She said her daughter's four
husbands are busy applying four different brands of fairness creams - one on
their face, one on their arms, one for the collar area (because the collar
tends to get really dirty if the cream isn’t applied properly), another one for
the feet. The daughter has stopped caring about her complexion, as have most
women in the country. The female population dropped to such an alarming level,
that there are six times as many men as women in any given age group. So skin
color is no longer a concern. Polyandry is the norm (the lawmakers preferred polygamy,
but when they got down to the mathematics of it, they foolishly realized their
folly).
The speakers blare from all sides of
my hall, forcing me to listen to the PM’s speech. I block out everything, but
his concluding words drill into my ears, “After a hundred years, I can proudly say, we, as
a nation, are developing at a very fast rate. It brings tears of joy blah blah
blah.”
My India – forever a “developing”
nation – never a “developed” one!
Copyright Petrichor and Clouds 2013 at petrichorandclouds.blogspot.com
Please do not reproduce the material published here.