Diaries Magazine


Posted on the 18 March 2013 by Missliabilities
25!Wow, I cannot believe that I am now 25. It feels almost surreal. My friends and I were out for a pre-birthday dinner last week and I brought up the discussion that I feel very different about this birthday than any others.This was the age I'd always associated with being an adult. It's true I'd been supporting myself 100% since the day after graduating college three years ago, but that was all about struggling to get to this point. I finally feel like the transition is finally over: I'm on a path to get my masters, I finally have a nice amount of savings and I'm not constantly struggling with my budget, I have maintained my weight (still got ten LBs to go but I'm not gaining!), there's this amazing guy in my life who is sticking around. I feel on top of the world.
A part of this new awakening of the adult me is definitely due to the distance between my father and I. He wished me happy birthday via text and it was the first contact we've had since the week before Christmas. I have felt in his shadow my entire life. His achievements, his personality - it was like I was a watered-down version of him. My perception of him as this terrible husband  to my mom and stepmom interfered with the idea of him as my dad. He wasn't a great dad, he didn't want me to shine - he wanted the shadow to be on me so he could rule in the spotlight, but that doesn't make him a terrible father either. I'm still unwilling to connect more than a text back saying 'thanks, love you too' because I don't want to go into the same pattern that the child in me got sucked into. I was not born to be a shadow dweller or feel guilt-ridden about not giving 100% of my time and attention to him. Part of being an adult is about sharing the spotlight with the rest of your world, and he just never grew up.
Anyways onto happier things. I spent the day shopping at the outlets with M and it was great. I am $200 lighter, but have a new Coach bag, wallet, and several new outfits for work.
Did you ever feel like a particular age was your transition age?

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