We Heart It
1. Don’t let your past define your relationships.
If you’ve watched Gilmore Girls, you know that the hardest thing for Lorelei’s mother to overcome in her new relationship with her daughter is what happened between them in the past. Lorelei ran away with her baby, Rory, at the age of 16 and shut her parents out for years afterward. Emily has a hard time forgetting it as Rory steps in to do the things Emily wanted Lorelei to do when she was younger. This wedges a big difficulty in their relationship and is a grudge that Emily is hard-pressed to let go of. While Lorelei and Rory are comical with their back and forth quips, there are tough scenes we have to watch as the past begins to affect the characters.
This happens to me everyday. My past, unfortunately, is ingrained in personality, and it is something I try desperately to chip away so that I can finally free myself of things that don’t matter anymore.
2. Don’t take your worries and fears out on your friends.
In one episode, Lorelei is freaking out over the owner of the inn for which she works selling the place she called home after running away from her parents’ frivolous life. She takes out these worries on her soon-to-be business partner and current cook, Sookie. A huge argument ensues, and Lorelei and Sookie find themselves in the biggest fight of their friendship. Even though Sookie knows that Lorelei is having a little breakdown over the course of change in their lives, she forgives her friend and they put their plans to buy their own inn back in motion.
I’ve been known to do this to friends, and it always makes me feel like such a jerk afterwards. I remember making a pact with myself in one of the school parking lots before a class that I was going to give up worrying and fear, be a “grown-ass woman,” as Emily’s mother likes to put it, and start living my life with intention. Somehow that fell by the wayside, and I found myself grasping at my worries and fears like it was my job. I’m back in the process of turning myself into a kick-ass woman and not some fearful little girl who worries about everything.
3. Stand up for yourself.
Since Rory lives in the small town of Stars Hollow, the administration of the private school she attends in Hartford known as Chilton, don’t see that Rory leads an average social life with a best friend, a freakishly close connection to her mother, and a steady boyfriend. Headmaster Charleston practically forces her to be more social and Rory finds herself in his office one night being initiated into the Puffs, a secret society that’s been in the school for generations. At first, Charleston tries to punish the girls for breaking into his office in the middle of the night, but Rory argues that the only reason she was there was because she was told she needed to be more social in order to get recommendations for the colleges of he choice, and that she has a social life in her hometown where they don’t get to see her daily interactions with her friends. In doing this, Headmaster Charleston agrees not to punish Rory and admits that he may have judged her “loner” tendencies too quickly.
I’ve always had a hard time standing up for myself, and have spent way too many years letting people walk over me. I guess it’s my type-B personality, my lack of confidence, and my horrible habit to fear almost any situation that makes me uncomfortable, even when it’s completely harmless. I also assume that I’m always in the wrong. The thing I admire about Rory and Lorelei is that they know when they’re both right and wrong about something, and they’re not afraid to stand up for themselves, others, and what they believe in.
4. Dream big and go for it.
Lorelei and Sookie have a challenging road ahead of them when they decide to open their own inn. First they have to figure out how to acquire the perfect house from the elderly bakery owner who refuses to sell, which makes their plans seem unreachable. They don’t give up, though. They keep working at their dream and eventually achieve their goals. I think of my book the way they think of the old inn: it’s a beautiful edifice that just needs renovation and restructuring. I see my story in my head as this building that just needs to be put together like tiny, scattered Lego pieces. It’ll take a lot of work, but eventually that dilapidated house will turn into a beautiful inn full of complex, but wonderful characters.
5. Know who you are.
At the end of the day, Rory and Lorelei know who they are. They may not always know where they’re going, and while they may make mistakes every now and then, those bumps and scratches are what make their characters even stronger than before. My biggest challenge everyday is knowing who I am when I go to sleep at night. I often feel like I let the bruises of my mistakes color every aspect of my being instead of allowing them to heal and strengthen my resolve. I think the important part of knowing yourself is knowing who you want to be and understanding what it will take to become that person.
