Dear Muffin Top,
Don’t fret. This isn’t goodbye. I’m not writing you to tell you about a new exercise plan I’m beginning or a diet I’m starting that would cause you to wither away day by day. No, you can breathe a sigh of relief in knowing that we are together for life.
However, I’m writing to let you know that you aren’t going to be an only child anymore.
You see, sweet muffin top of mine, they are putting a Dunkin Donuts one mile from our home.
I know you are confused and can’t imagine a world where you don’t get all the attention. But the time has come for you to share the fat on this body. My thighs and ass are ready to plump up. They are ready to fill with the delicious icing that is shot into creme-puff donuts. They have been waiting their whole life to feel the weight of fried dough pulsing in their veins.
But don’t panic. I still love you. I will always love you in the unique way you love your first born. But now you must learn what it means to share. To watch as another part of the body learns how to get squished and shoved into pants. You will be a role-model to them. The thighs and ass will look to you on how to stick out properly and of course, how to be used as a shelf for holding beverages when in the sitting position.
So take a deep breath and get ready. Your world is about to change but know that you aren’t going anywhere. I’ll never abandon you.
Love,
Your donut-loving body
