Diaries Magazine

A Moment of Toiletude.

Posted on the 24 August 2011 by Thefatalfemme @The_Fatal_Femme
There is nothing like sitting on a toilet.
No. There is not.
Now I don't mean using the toilet. Indeed that is nice. A relief. Some would say.
But no. I mean just sitting. On the loo.
I discovered this years ago whilst I was at school. During the horrendous time that was my school years, I spent a lot of time on the loo. In fact I'd even go as far as saying that I spent the majority of my time on the loo.
For one, it got you out of lessons.
Two, as a girl, there was always the full-proof answer to "You should've gone on your break!"
Er..... "Women's problems", or if you were brave enough, "I've got my period!"
And three - the reason I'm going to explain to you now.
You see, not only does sitting on the toilet come in handy when you're at school, but it can be taken forward into your adult life too. Who knew?
When you are having a turd of a day (pun intended) sometimes all you really need, desperately need, is a few moments to yourself.
Now. There aren't a lot of places where you can have undisturbed "me time". In fact, I'd say only one place. The toilet.
It's actually considered very bad form if someone interrupts your toilet time.
Has anyone ever banged on your cubicle door and said, "There's a call for you on line 3" or "Do you know where we keep the sellotape?"
No. Because it's rude. It's just not done. Toilet time is one's own time.
Thus, I take advantage of this fact. And I encourage you to too.
I work in a shitty job (again, pun intended) where I'm constantly around people, be them customers or colleagues. And sometimes I just can't be arsed, literally.
So I totter off to the loo.
All I need is a few minutes.
Like I said, this toilet trip is not about bodily evacuations. It's about embracing a moment to yourself. Although if you do happen to get lost in a movement then by all means go with it. Don't hold back. You can make yourself ill.
And no one likes a suppository. Well. Not the one I'm talking about.
Anyway, sometimes you can get really lucky and have one of those cubicles that's walls stretch from floor to ceiling. I have that at work. It's really nice. Definitely the best kind of cubicle.
In a world where we're forced to constantly communicate with each other it can get rather tiresome. Thus go to the loo. Now. Go on.
Oh no hold on. Don't all go at once. The queues for the Ladies' are bad enough already. Let's stagger it.
You may think I'm mental. If you do, then you need to try it. For starters, once you've warmed the toilet seat up, it's really quite comfortable.
If you still don't like it, then there's always a urinal.
Watch this space...

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