Self Expression Magazine

A Spiritual Experience Described.

Posted on the 19 March 2012 by 3stepstorecovery @3StepsToRecvry
During my time in rehab, we didn't spend much time talking about AA's Big Book. In fact, we didn't discuss it at all. Instead, our counselor handed us a one page, printed copy of the 12 Steps and said little more before returning to our daily, seemingly endless group therapy sessions. When he kicked me out of rehab on the 27th day of a 30-day program for not "getting with the (AA) program", all I took home were the visions of relapse and an early grave he predicted my future held and that one page, tattered copy of the 12 Steps. Dying before age 40 didn't seem all that appealing, so I sat down and narrowed the 12 Steps down to the 3 Steps that promised to remove the urge to drink, which was stronger than ever. The monkey was digging his claws into my back hard at the time I needed him gone THEN. A couple of weeks later, a life-changing, life-saving, soul-changing spiritual experience occurred, as described below.
It must have been the fifteenth or sixteenth night when themiracle happened. My routine had been the same that night as all the others. Istarted the night using the 3 Steps, as usual, asking humbly and sincerely, without fail. This ritual was repeated many timeseach night with a few short breaks in between. During those breaks, I’d talk to my Higher Power in a more casual way, describing how my addiction felt like a dark cloud,confiding my fears, and asking for help in overcoming both. This monolog hadgone on for two weeks straight and I was starting to wonder if it was a wasteof time. Somewhat frustrated, I started to ask myself if He was even listening. Inever got the chance to finish the question. Out of the blue something joltedme, causing my entire body to shake and jerk. Every muscle clenched andreleased, repeatedly and uncontrollably, as if some invisible giant wasgrabbing me by the belt, lifting ninety percent of my body off the bed andslamming me back down. My chest constricted and my legs flailed, thrusting mychest upwards and releasing me again, which must have resembled a seizure. Themovements knocked the breath out of me, which was frightening at first. But asthe experience continued my fear was replaced with an energy I’d never feltbefore. Soothing waves of incredibly powerful warmth and love pulsed through mybody, dissolving the fear and tensions I’d carried for so many years. It feltas if God had walked into the room, laid both hands on me, and penetrated mybody and soul with some kind of divine electricity. I laid back and went alongfor the ride, alternately feeling like I’d stuck my finger in an electricaloutlet and flopping limp back into my pillow. I can only describe the feelingas having been ZAPPED with the most amazing energy on earth, and for whichthere are no words. It felt like love multiplied by infinity. The experiencelasted for somewhere between 15-20 minutes. When it ended, I felt bothexhilarated and exhausted. Within minutes, exhaustion won out and I fell into adeep sleep. When I woke the next morning my addiction was gone. The intensecravings that had driven me to drink for more than twenty years had vanishedand haven’t returned even once in eighteen years.
I’m not quite sure what happened that night, but one thingis certain. A miracle took place. No doubt exists in my mind that a HigherPower not only heard my plea for help, but reached out and healed my soul. Lovewalked in, grabbed my addiction by the scruff of its dirty neck, and marched itout the door. The inner turmoil and tension that had lived within me for mostof my life evaporated in an instant and were replaced by a quiet calmness andinner peace, which remain to this day. Because this experience was deeplyprivate and personal, I rarely talk about it and have never described it infull detail, until now. The reason for my reluctance has been because it’sdifficult to believe in miracles unless you’ve experienced one of your own.Another reason I’ve avoided talking about the experience is because mentioningGod, or a Higher Power, could be considered too “preachy” by some.Unfortunately, the only way to describe the experience is by telling it exactlyas it happened. It is as it is. Whether or not anyone else believes a spiritualhealing actually occurred is their own choice. The fact that the word miracleexists certainly suggests that inexplicable events have occurred throughouthistory. Some might choose to view my experience as self-hypnosis, or eventemporary insanity, spurred by desperation. To me, it really doesn’t matter.The bottom line is that it worked. My addiction was instantly and permanentlyerased, which was a true miracle, regardless how it came to be. 
I only recently learned that Bill Wilson and other founding members of AA wrote about their own experiences, claiming they were cured of addiction through a spiritual awakening with a Higher Power. I know their message completely contradicts the "forever recovering, incurable disease" mentality that so many have been taught in today's AA. But, I also know that Bill, Bob, and the others knew what they were talking about and that AA's original message was (and still is) the correct one. Anyone willing to believe in a power greater than their own can receive the same cure... but only if they want to be cured, fully recovered addicts.

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