Today I want to be what I was till I had not learnt what being socially perfect, savvy, pleasant, a woman with good character and acceptable was. Today I want to go back to the basics even if for a day, an hour and live life the way I did when I was a child, when I still had my innocence with me, when I had the courage to call a spade ‘a spade’.
The theme ‘Back to basics’ started a thought process which became difficult to contain. The more I thought about it, the sadder I felt. I saw how we were all born with the basics- to be good, happy, honest, loving, caring and compassionate but somewhere, as we journeyed through life, we lost each of these innate attributes and also ourselves in the process. I saw, how we were inherently bestowed with innocence, integrity, a sense of wonder, faith in the spoken word, never-say-die attitude and an implicit trust in the others’ around, yet we became less of each, every single day as we grew up, learnt to be pleasant , effective, productive and wise. I saw, that we are today so wrapped in trying to prove how good, efficient, intelligent and worthy we are, that we forget that at one point of time we did not have to validate our lives to ourselves or others…we were happy, content and good to just ‘be’.What are the basics that we let go off? Here are some that I acutely mourn the loss of…
- Our sense of wonder-There is so much beauty and magic all around. Myriad hues that the sky paints for us afresh every morning and evening, the soft breeze that lures the trees to dance on its dictates, the way oysters take in a grain of sand and open up with a pearl, the way water which is so soft makes its way through the hardest of rocks, a tiny blackberry seed that gets stuck in our teeth, can also grow a whole other plant producing thousands or more seeds just like it. The beauty and wonder of our own bodies-we break our bones and it joins back by itself, we gorge ourselves to the brim, it takes care of the extra food, we go hungry for a entire day and we still have the energy to move and do the things we want to, a foreign element infects us and the body temperature goes up so that the elements don’t survive! A cut and the blood clots to form a protective covering! A heart that beats every moment and yet never tires. The beauty and wonder of technology-we can type the words on a search engine and have a world of information on our finger tips, we can not only speak but do a video conferencing and have a live chat with a dear one sitting thousands of miles away at a fraction of a cost, heavier-than-air flying machines, satellites. Wonder of relationships and emotions-how our eyes brim up with another’s pain, how some relationships are more valuable than our lives itself, how we know more of ourselves through another, how two people with unique histories and personalities in sharing their lives create a third entity as unique. So much wonder and beauty all around, yet we feel impoverished and less than because we have lost our sense of wonder..
- Our sense of excitement- As a child I remember the thrill of excitement when I ran a race, or got on to the stage to recite a poem or got excited about a slumber party where we could stay up the entire night. I could squeal with delight at the site of birds at my window sill, papa reading me a story to bed, getting an ice-cream treat (I was happy to choose between Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry), have a friend over to share a day with me on holidays, on owning a new pencil box, even a new eraser. Today nothing is good enough to delight or excite me. I cannot run for more than a minute or a half before I collapse on the ground. Nothing can break me into a jig, no friendship is fun enough, no idea makes my pulse race with anticipation, tingles my very soul or takes away my sleep. We have lost our sense of excitement, also adventure.
- Our sense of integrity- As children we could tell others exactly what we thought of them-
‘I am hurt by what you said
‘I need you’
‘ You are so much fun’
‘ You are my bestest of friend
‘You were mean to me and that is why I do not feel like talking to you’
'Kitta'
As a child we said what we felt and we felt what we said. We did not bother with concerns of gain or loss, whether it was socially appropriate or not, whether it furthered our interests or marred it. We had a sense of integrity. What we projected was what we were. Today every action, word, advice, reaction is weighed in relation to our position vis-a-vis other. We mouth pleasantries that we do not mean. We make promises that we have no intentions of honoring. We swear good will and love when in our hearts we know it is a trade. It is not with others but even with our own selves that we cheat and lie. We do not give our best, because the efforts that we have put will do okay enough, we justify our lack for integrity by saying that everyone else is doing so too. We take love as a means to an end and not an end in itself.
- Our sense of Acceptance: One the very important qualities a lot of us have let go off. As a child, I accepted people and things as they were. Without manipulations, without silicon and without a mask. I accepted how that teacher was bad by nature and how that one friend will always take away my tiffin box. And despite of it, I respected my teacher for being my teacher and my friend for being my friend. I accepted their choices. Papa doesn't like Karela. I like Karela. So I will eat Karela. It was THAT simple.
And above all, I accepted myself for whatever I was. I didn't know what difference does having a heavier body or a darker skin would make. Though I was far from being anything close to a cute kid, I was always accepted for whatever I was. And I always loved the person in the mirror. There were no problem areas, to be precise.
- Our sense of expression- As a child I could cry when I was hurt and laugh when I was happy. I could fume when I was angry and hug when I felt an overwhelming love towards another. I could jump with glee and share a victory with as many I wanted to. I could mourn and cry over losses till it was all out my system. I could express my crush to my Astronomy teacher. Today I bottle every single emotion or at least contain its expression, even with my own self. I cannot allow myself weakness for what if the others take advantage, think me to be a weakling, find me sissy. I cannot share my exploits for others will consider it boasting, I cannot talk about my passions for it would look foolish. I cannot express what I dream of for others will expect. And expectations would scare me of what if I can't.
From I can….I have so easily become a bundle of I can’t!
Today I would give my right arm to go back to my basics even if for a day
