Circumstances

I sit at my dressing table, my channel perfume, my expensive lipstick, the photograph of me on my wedding day with my husband Walter. Here I sit, adorned in my furs and practically living in the life of luxury in my six bedroom house in the idyllic countryside- I have my own garden, I have my own study, I have my half of things and Walter has his.
The world's collapsing, I can't stop it, I'm only a chess piece in this wretched game. My hearts breaking but I know as well as Walter that it's been broken for a while. And he tries to win me back, with expensive bags from Milan, fine wine from France only the best for me his wife that word seems to roll of my tongue as if it disgusts me. Of course I love Walter, at least I did a year ago, it wasn't for money, it wasn't for love, it was for neither. Walter had always been there and I'd always been there for Walter. It just happened. I hadn't asked for it, I hadn't expected it, it just was. We didn't fall in love, we didn't date, we didn't say we loved each other, he just dressed me up like a doll to which I toyed with- for a while. And when that died out, when we had enough of that game, we would use our bodies to force ourselves into love. It wasn't that we wanted to love, it was more that we wanted to be together; he more than me.
He went to Eton and I went to a local school nearby, he was educated, smart, dashing, privileged. I was the daughter of a single mother, an ugly duckling and quite a bore. I would pride myself upon my abilities to read, he would pride himself upon his sporting abilities, it was quite an unequal match. It was Summer when our eyes met, there was a local dance at the community center  Walter quite an unlikely candidate for such a location strolled in with a group of his Eton friends, each one of them was as charming as he was, but it was Walters soft brown eyes and warm face that struck me. It wasn't attraction, it just was a simple liking. He never said what attracted me to him and I guess that I would never know- not now.
The game soon began, he would knock on my door and buy me expensive flowers, champagne and other lavish goods but he always had his group of friends. We would go to the moors- Walter would play cricket with his friends. I would sit on the grass in my best dress that Walter had probably purchased, watching him perform as if he was in the Ashes. I never worshiped him like he did with me, I never took a fancy to him, I just played a long to his whims and fancies. I was his Evelyn and he was my Walter, we liked our old fashioned names and queer fanciness, I liked his delicate fingers in my hair and he liked my out bursts of laughter.
It was meant to be perfect, it should have been, I only wanted to be loved, he only wanted to be cared for. Of course I was loved by Walter, but after all my disastrous relationships I know that Walter was just there for convince. It wasn't that I was happy or that I didn't care to some degree- it's just that I never liked him. By the time I knew that for certain, it was too late. We were married, we had a house, we agreed that we never wanted kids, we knew each others likes and dislikes, we had a dog, we had everything. It was just too late to say no.
I imagine myself at the dance again, Walter in his Saville Row suit and me in a dress of the high street. He comes towards me, leans in, kisses my cheek, his friends laugh and crack jokes with playfulness. But this time, I turn my cheek, I walk away calm, cool and collected, I return to my friends, I smooth the wrinkles in my dress and I decide that Walter isn't attractive, he isn't right for me, we have a big house, we won't have the dog, we won't ever be husband and wife. I shall be Evelyn that marries a plumber or some other profession, who has children like she's always wanted, I shall wear cheap clothes and I shall be happy, I will love my husband, I won't care about what he wants. Walter, Walter will marry the most popular girl at this party; a girl named Lacey Louve who's got a French heritage, who has blonde hair and who's eyes catch every boy on the dance floor. They'll move into the countryside house with six bedrooms and they shall have two pomeranian's , Lucy will fix her hair and consult Walter on what to wear. And they, they will be happy. We both shall be happy with our individual life, I'll be the fleeting moment in his life caught at a glimpse of adulthood never to be remembered. I shall just fade away with no questions asked as will Walter.