Self Expression Magazine

Dear August, Old Friend

Posted on the 01 August 2012 by Laureneverafter @laureneverafter
Autumn Leaf, Cambridge by Bearseye

Flickr, Bearseye

Dear August,

As a child I used to think of you as sprawling leaves of burnt orange and crimson sprawled along the ground. I would always forget that you still bore the heat of summer and that fall did not appear until the end of September. With you, though, comes change, opportunity. All month long I’ll be participating in VEDA (Vlog Every Day in August) for the first time, and I think, August, you know as well as I how difficult this will be. There’s the getting up early every morning, the knowing what to say, the consistency (which you very well know has always been one of my most ardent enemies), the making sure I can somehow still record a vlog when visiting the parents without being caught.

There is also, August, a sense of stress that comes with you. You see, I got accepted into a graduate program for English, only I didn’t get awarded an assistantship. Tuition is expensive, and while I’m glad for the opportunity, I’m uncertain as to what to do. I’m not sure it would be smart to borrow $12,000 in student loans when I have just under ten grand to pay back already. If I don’t take the position, though, what will I tell the professors who wrote recommendations for me? Hi professors, I got accepted into grad school (yay!), but sadly I can’t go due to financial reasons. Would you mind reworking that recommendation for me come November so I can apply to other programs and have a better chance of getting an assistantship? In any case, I hope they’d understand if I stooped so low.

What I want from you most, though August, is a sense of peace. I’ve always felt peaceful when I can feel fall stirring in the air, and I want to feel that from you. I want to feel zephyrs peeling over my skin. I want to feel the sun resting against the clouds, bleeding through so that I can just barely feel the hint of warmth, like a favorite blanket, caressing my face instead of the harsh rays and humid air that beats down on me every time I walk out the door.

If you could do this for me, August, I would feel much obliged. In return, I will try to do better by you than I have of these recent months. I will make more of an effort to experience things, put myself out there, and open myself up to the world, even if they’re in small ways. I want to meet new people, gain friendships and inspiration, but most of all, I want to gain determination, resolve, motivation, self-discipline, courage, focus. I want to put myself back in gear as a writer. I want to learn how to let go of the things that need letting go of and how to hold on to those still plump with juice. I can see us having a great month together, August. I’m not saying all of these things have to happen quickly, but Progress is a dear friend I haven’t seen in ages. Please bring her by for tea and long stay.

Yours truly,

Lauren


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