A walk after work, to let go of the week. Second day of Spring, sun is out, wind is nippy. And because I can’t just walk to walk…I take in the people and things sharing it with me…composing notes along four miles of ocean front.
Dear Kid Learning To Ride A Bike,
You’ve got this buddy. Dad’s got your back, and Mom’s waiting for you with open arms. I hope this is true for you, forever.
***
Dear Twenty-Something Beach Bod Shirtless Skateboarder Whose Lapped Me Three Times,
Without sounding letchy…thank you.
***
Dear Stroller Brigade,
Kudos, super Moms in matching tracksuits.
***
Dear C.I.Shenanigans,
So much garlic and butter smell, wafting. You teasing asshole.
***
Dear Middle-Aged Couple Making Out On Grass Knoll,
Winning! Kinda gross…but, winning!
***
Dear Epic Wonder Runner,
I didn’t know there were that many different individual muscles in a calf. You freak of fitness.
***
Dear Cocktail Hour Seniors Lolling Into Harbor Lights,
I’m so jealous of you bastards. Have one for me.
***
Dear Construction Workers,
Heh, heh. (winky wink.)
***
Dear Fat Man With Tiny Dog,
Casting gold.
***
Dear Clam Diggers,
Dudes, don’t eat ‘em. It’s the goddamn waterfront. You know what’s in that water?!?!?
***
Dear Tandem Runners,
It’s cute how you can talk, run, and breathe at the same time. But you don’t have to rub it in.
***
Dear Awkward Rollerbladers,
Most people learn how to do this in a less public and embarrassing atmosphere…without thru-traffic and extending dog leashes everywhere. But apparently,you’re not “most people.” So good luck with that.
***
Dear Dog Daters,
I dunno how your dog sniffing her dog’s butt opens up meet-cute conversation flirtation…but whatever works for yuh, I guess.
***
Dear Random Tweaker Dancing Fosse Moves To Silence,
Yes.
***
Dear Emo Gay Boys,
Listen: you’re friends, one or both of you wants to be more, so stop walking with hands in pockets, three feet apart, like accidental physical contact would set you on fire. One of you assholes, just take the other one’s hand, and get over it.
***
Dear Old Man Onna Bench,
If I was playing waterfront bingo, I would have just won, for which I hypothetically thank you.
***
Dear Handsy New Daters,
You’re not ready to be in public yet. There’s a society line at 4pm in public where children are hanging out. That line doesn’t include cupping, squeezing or dry humping.
***
Dear Chick Putting Off Script Study To Write A Blog Entry,
Cuppa tea number 300, turn off the computer, and get to work…slacker.
~D
