Self Expression Magazine

Ennui

Posted on the 06 March 2013 by Gray Eyed Athena @grayeyedowl

I’ve been waking at 2am sharp every morning for the past 5 days, and trying to go back to sleep is merely an antagonistic slap in the face of the pseudo-dreams that play in my mind.  It’s wearing on me; I’m finding it more and more difficult to get myself out of bed in the morning or get to work on time.  Last night, I couldn’t even do my pilates exercise when I got home from yoga.  Instead, I ate my 300 calories of steamed spinach and couldn’t even summon the energy to clean up after myself in the kitchen (and B hates a kitchen mess), instead, I went right to bed.

I stayed in bed as long as I could, if not to sleep then at least to enjoy the comfort and stillness of my warm blankets.  I stumbled through getting myself ready for the day, navigating a dirty kitchen for my coffee and lunch, with a turbulent stomach and slight headache.  I even contemplated calling out for the day, as all I can imagine doing right now is lying perfectly still in the center of my white comforter, pillows tucked in all around me to contain and capture.

I went to work anyway, ate my lunch early to boost my energy (it didn’t work) and I have my first personal training session tonight.  Where oh where will my strength be?

Hot shower and warm bed, both calling my name.


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