9:14pm
Dear diary,
I’m so disappointed in myself, but I can’t blame myself either. I feel… depressed, and I have been skipping so many lectures in the last 2 months that it’d be a miracle if I passed the end of year exams.
It’s weird, today it was raining and as soon as I woke up and realised there was no sun, I felt depressed, and didn’t want to get out of bed. The weather is playing with my emotions so heavily that I’m starting to worry about it a bit. The end of year exams are in a few weeks away, and I’m like over 50 lectures behind in total. That is insane, like 50 hours of catch up work, not to mention the book readings and stuff. I was foolish to go out with someone from the same Residential hall as me. It may have been an experience of a lifetime, but look at where I am now. Depressed on most days, avoids the common room in fear of seeing my ex, skipping many lectures, having no motivation to study, failing my goal of getting into Medicine next year.
If only I knew I’d end up like this last year, I’d do so many things differently. All I can do now is look at my life failures and laugh. That’s about all I can do.
I’ve also got this crazy idea to pick out a poster that says “Looking for one more flatmate” and just live with those people next year. I have no idea where I will live next year – my friends… well I have a few that want me to flat with them but I want some adventure. I want to live with strangers, I want to try some drugs, be more extroverted, have one night stands and stuff. I’ve always been introverted, always lived a sheltered life and I think living with strangers will be a brilliant way for me to break free and experience the different side of life. Just like Jenny off Forrest Gump, I want to find myself.
Yours, -Harper
