7:41pm
Dear Diary,
Right now, I have to block out the laughter of my ex-girlfriend by listening to loud music on my headphones.
It still hurts, the pain, the memories. She’s got a new boyfriend, and she’s in the corridor a few doors down from my room. We live in the same Residential College. She’s seeing a friend that lives a few doors down from me, and they’re just in the corridor now laughing. Having a great time as it seems. And here I am, stuck in my room forced to listen to that shit. How can she be so insensitive? She knows that I live only a few doors away.
One of the hardest thing to do – to forget about your first love and pretend like hearing her laughing with her new boyfriend only 3 months after the breakup doesn’t bother you. But it bothers you a lot. Oh, if only I can just forget about her. Forget about everything.
You know, one of the most beautiful times and when I’m most happy is in my dreams. I love to sleep – to dream. All my problems disappear. I’m happy. There’s no painful memories, no problems to fix. I just love it. Fate is a weird thing. Last year, I hated sleep, I loved to stay up, and now I hate reality and I would love to spend the rest of my life just dreaming. About everything and nothing.
Even though I spent the afternoon with a friend today, I still feel lonely and I still don’t feel right. We went to Unipol gym and then went to town to look for a satchel type bag (didn’t find one that I liked) and then came back. I should be happy, and when I was with him I seemed happy… on the outside. But on the inside there seemed to be something missing. Like I just didn’t feel as happy as I should. Is it because of my ex? Is it because of the situation I’m in right now?
I just wish I could just be as happy as when I was a high school kid, where I just lived in the moment and was super happy about anything and everything. Maybe I can still try to get that back. Maybe, but it seems like something is stopping me, and I don’t know what it is.
Yours, -Harper
