Existential Crisis..

There are fears
rational and irrational
both define me,
equally
how I will behave
when pushed under one,
there is a set pattern
but I don’t know it
probably, I will fight it
and face it head-on
or maybe I will deny it
and it’s rudimentary existence
some cause internal conflicts
some just disgust,
towards oneself,
and some bring regret and pain
I have one such fear
I chose to deny it, initially
but couldn’t get past it
because the silence I created
was too strong and discomforting
it continuously spoke,
of the pain I carried
asked me to bury it
but it didn’t know,
I wanted to carry it,
ever and forever,
for my existence,
bought heavily from this pain,
it nurtured the fire burning inside
it fueled my hatred for imperfection
it emboldened me,
and favored my relentless pursuits
of love, life and laughs..
but it denied me narcissistic pleasure,
incessantly
said,
‘Humility is your pedigree..
Be warned..’
I am amused
and lost,
and terribly infatuated
with how my fate,
will hold me back..
I said,
“Let’s see”..