Diaries Magazine

#FiveMinuteFriday: Afraid

Posted on the 01 February 2013 by Juliejordanscott @juliejordanscot

It’s #FiveMinuteFriday free write time! <—click to tweet this!  5-minute-friday-1

Where a flash mob of folks spend five minutes all writing on the same topic and then share ‘em at LisaJoBaker.com.

Words from my five minutes on....

AFRAID

Afraid. Lisa Jo wants me to write about afraid.

I’ll go with what’s up right now, as in over the last few hours when I had this huge breakthrough all because of a conversation I had with a friend earlier in the week. We were talking about some difficulties her sister was having about dealing with the deep, deep stuff that may have happened before she had language, so attempting to sort through it all was especially challenging.

“Hmmm,” I said, “That does sound like a challenging situation. I’ll keep her in prayer.”

God with His sense of humor may have translated what I said slightly wrong.

You see, I am also planning to be in this story telling event in about eight weeks. I am a champion story teller for those of you who don’t know me well. This event has a theme, so it isn’t like I can trot out a well worn, “Oh, I know I’ll win on this one” story. Nope. I am compelled to go deeper.

Last Sunday at our meeting to share the topic and other fun facts I told the organizer, “You know, I am stumped on this theme. I need to do some stream of consciousness writing or something because for the life of me I can’t come up with that one, defining moment when I suddenly knew I was no longer a child.” There was a big part of me that thought I was still waiting for it to happen.

After all, who else has the creative life that I have, theplayful, child-like way I have of looking at the world?

The shock when my friend said, “When I first met you I thought you were faking it but no, you really are this way. You are sincerely this way. I couldn’t believe it at first.

Well, this a-ha that I had knocked me so far off my feet I drove my daughter home from her appointment crying silently all the way, praying I didn’t upset her but unable to hold back. I am a lifelong student of not letting my emotions show for fear of upsetting other people around me. One of my reasons for crying is because I feel charged to tell this story, the one I am so afraid to tell.

I am praying with my arms and heart wide open for God to speak to me, to tell me if I am to tell this story, how to tell it with courage and how to tell it so that it won’t be hurtful to my loved ones. I told a story like that in October and am getting it published with a pseudonym but people were so amazed at my braveness they tell each other about my story using my real name.

I said stuff I don’t think my children need to know, but that I felt needed to be spoken. The pseudonym felt safe then.

I am so afraid of telling the story, but even more afraid if I don’t tell the story.

TIMER sings! I’m done with my Friday Five!

The guidelines for Five Minute Friday - from LisaJo who started it all.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

 Follow me on Twitter: @juliejordanscot  Writing closer up on sequoia

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© 2013 by Julie Jordan Scott

Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.

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