Self Expression Magazine

Friends and Weddings

Posted on the 12 June 2012 by Laureneverafter @laureneverafter

This past weekend I watched two of my friends get married amidst a thunderstorm. “Is it good luck for it to rain on your wedding?” one of the ladies who came with Emily and I asked. Kat was beautiful. Her dress was plain and haltered in the front, beaded in the back. Paul was as handsome as ever. As Kat proceeded down the aisle with her father, I actually found myself tearing up, something I never would’ve guessed I’d do. I’ve never cried at a wedding, and even though I don’t know Kat as well as my cousin, who works with her, I found myself enormously happy for her and Paul. I thought how intimidating it seems to stand up there in front of so many people making such a big vow to life, but then I thought when you’re making that vow with your best friend there’s a certain security in being up there together in front of a congregation of friends and family, and that they have the kind of friends and family who give them multitudes of shoulders to lean on for support. That is why we attended, after all.

The passages Kat and Paul picked out to be versed during the ceremony were 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and Ephesians 5:21-33. As the pastor read them and built a sermonette around them, I realized that I wouldn’t have a moment like this to share with someone if I didn’t first build a relationship with God. On the way back home, I could feel the barriers crack around me, hear them splinter. Kat and Paul were so natural at the alter, and for the rest of the night it was as if nothing had changed, yet everything had changed. Later, at Sharab’s in Downtown Gainesville, Paul put his arms around me and Emily. “I want to thank you guys for coming out tonight to celebrate with us,” he said. “It means a lot.” “Well, you’re welcome, Paul!” I shouted over the music. I think I had forgotten just how great they were, not only as individual people, but together, as friends. They knew who they were apart and with each other, and that never changed. Their getting married, in fact, made that feeling stronger for me.

Seeing them at the reception with their friends, though, made me want what they had – not just as a married couple, but as individual people. They have so many friends who care about them, and as they wrapped their arms around each other during a sequence called The Dollar Dance, I found myself wishing I were more like them – more the kind of person who could attract great friendships. Within ten minutes, I went over everything I did wrong socially in college and almost had myself convinced I needed to go back, so I could apply to pharmacy school and attain friends of my own. It wasn’t the first time I’d thought about pre-pharm. I briefly considered it during my senior year, but was discouraged by how bad I am at math and science. But, then I thought, I’m an adult. I should be able to study enough to get me through tough classes. I’d done it before. But, I couldn’t base the emotional overspill of regret during a reception on becoming a pharmacist. Could I? It seemed irrational. I’d done that once in middle school for cheerleading. I tried out to make friends, because middle school was a horrid experience.

Fast forward four years later, and cheerleading felt like the worst decision of my life. I’d made no friends on the squad. In fact, it was near torture to spend so much time with a horde of teenage girls (not applicable to the entire squad, but a majority) you could care less about being in the same room with for five minutes, much less hours upon hours of practice, football games, and competitions. But I had to wonder at why the thought of pharmacy school was coming back to me. The first time it was so I would have a good job, and now it was so I would have good friends.

I can’t give myself that answer now. To be completely honest, the answer is probably that I shouldn’t. I’m looking at what Kat has and trying to apply it to myself, and the calculations won’t work out, of course, because we’re two different people. We’re good at different things. I just hope that this experience, with their friends and wedding, will help me grow, to open up more, to be someone who can bring a glow with me wherever I go.


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