Today was my first day back to work after having Emerson. I still can’t really express or put into words how I feel about going back to work. Yes, I am happy to be back at work, with my colleagues and stimulating my mind. But I’m sad not to be at home with Emerson.
I tried to not focus on the fact that I was going back to work and really just go with the flow. Which was nice but it made the morning a little hectic. In hindsight I wish I’d made a list of everything I needed and prepared a little last night so that I could just grab and go in the morning. Instead I had no food for the day, I had to pack up my pump, make sure the milk is ready for my mom who is watching Emerson until she starts daycare, and put the car seat in my moms car. Come to find out I left part of my pump at home so my mom had to come and deliver it. It was kind a like leaving your lunch at home on the first day of school! Although it was a blessing in disguise because I got to see Emerson halfway through my day!
Once I was packed up, I gave Emerson a big hug, thanked my mom and got in the car. I thought I would be more sad but I was pretty stoic. It wasn’t until I walked into my office and I saw familiar faces that I lost it a little bit. Reality hit and tears welled up in my eyes. I cried, took a few deep breaths, and walked to my desk. Once there everything went pretty smooth. It was great to see so many friends and colleagues and it was nice to get back into the groove of work.
I think I’m going to struggle with the work/life balance. It’s always been something that I have a hard time with but I’m going to have to figure it out now that I have a baby at home. At 5 o’clock I found myself just hanging out at my desk when I should’ve been packing up and walking out the door to go see my daughter. I’m just not used to that lifestyle at work. Previously I always stayed late, lingered around, and made sure all tasks were done before I left. I’m going to have to work hard to stay focused during the day, get done what I can and then leave at 5 so I can spend time with Emerson. Especially because of the commute is brutal. Our office moved while I was out and it’s in a high traffic area. So now my commute is a good hour which is terrible, it’s only 13 miles… the wasted commute time in the car is a real bummer and something I’m going to have to figure out. It will be hard with a baby who has her own schedule but I need to make sure I get as much time with her as I can while still being a good employee and working efficiently.
Right now, working out is at the bottom of my priority list. I need to figure out balancing work and time with Emerson and then I can try and incorporate working out. Once I get into a little bit of a grove I might try and do some work outs at home after Emerson goes to bed but I’m typically pretty tired so we will see how that goes. As for training for the half marathon at the end of October I’m just going to have to utilize weekends to get a long run in and hope that’s enough.
Here’s to Day 2.
