Hi there,
Today, I want to talk a little about jealousy…
I did not become an overnight success or a bestselling author when my first book was published in 2012. The rational part of me knew that there is no such thing as an overnight success. Success doesn’t happen overnight. It just doesn’t. Success is a result of the thousands of nights of hard work that no one will ever write a song about.
Overnight success is a myth. I knew that. And I knew I had a long road ahead of me. But I was surrounded by a painful truth: there were other people in my field who seemed to be having no trouble whatsoever achieving their goals. Were these people as hard working as I was? Were they as dedicated? They were not! Well, in my mind they weren’t anyway. Of course, I had no idea what these people were actually like in reality. All I knew was that I envied them.
Thus began my years of torment. Keep in mind that I wasn’t tormented because anything truly awful was happening to me. Getting lots of rejections from literary agents and publishers wasn’t a walk in the park, but it wasn’t physically painful. And, to be honest, the rejection letters almost always contained a compliment or two. I never absorbed the compliments though because I was frustrated over the fact that I was failing where others were succeeding and I was wildly jealous of their success.
It’s an ugly way to feel – unhappy because of someone else’s success. Human beings are ugly sometimes. I’m willing to bet you’ve let the Green Monster get the better of you at least once in your life.
Life is full of reminders of what we lack. These reminders often appear in the form of other people. There is always someone who is more successful, more talented, more attractive, or more advanced in meeting important “milestones” than we are.
Aren’t you exhausted just thinking about it?
It takes huge amounts of energy to resent people, especially when they haven’t done anything to you other than succeed where you haven’t. So how do you kick that draining and nasty jealousy habit?
I have some suggestions…
Appreciate What You’ve Got.
One way to deal with frustrations you might be feeling is to take a step back and think about what you’ve got. When I was in my twenties, I may not have had the fantastic book deal I fantasized about, but I did have a roof over my head. (I still do.) I had my health. (I still do.) And I had fantastic parents. (I still do.) I was very fortunate back then to have those things and I’m still fortunate to have them today. Many people don’t. As bad as you think you’ve got it on a rough day, remember to appreciate what you have.
Be Honest.
Find out what you really want, not what everybody else wants.
I’m fortunate in the sense that I was born a minimalist. When it comes to possessions, I’ve always felt that less is more. For example: I have a “capsule wardrobe” and I only buy clothes when I need to, clothes that are comfortable rather than fashionable. Designer labels have never been my thing. But if it’s your thing, that’s okay. Just make sure that your desires are your own. Do you really want that fancy car, luxe villa, latest designer handbag or cool gadget? Or are you just assuming that you want it because everyone else around you has it?
The same goes for your goals. Are the goals you want to achieve really your own? Or are you just assuming you want to achieve them because everyone else around you has?
It’s easy to fall prey to the green monster when people around you have X,Y and Z and are moving from one success to the next. But the next time you feel jealousy begin to stir in you, ask yourself if having X,Y and Z would make you happier.
Move On.
Why do I move on? Because I have accepted the truth, which is that someone else’s good fortune does not affect my own. I am not the center of the world, and neither are you. I can’t compare myself to other people because I’m me. And you shouldn’t compare yourself to other people because you’re you.
It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself for not getting something you wanted, especially if you worked really hard to get it. Allow yourself to feel the disappointment but then you have to move on. You have to move on and keep trying.
So there you have them, my top three tips for beating the Green Monster: Appreciate what you’ve got, be honest with yourself about what you want, and move on with your life.
It takes up too much of your time and energy to resent other people. Instead of letting the green monster eat you alive from the inside, use that energy to motivate you to work even harder on your next project or goal. Because all you can control in this life is yourself. Trust me. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way.
That’s all from me for now.
Have a great day,
– Sofia
