Diaries Magazine

Having a Job Sucks

Posted on the 21 February 2013 by Missliabilities
Next up on our list of the trials of being an adult.... JOBS SUCK.
As a child, I must have been either very oblivious or extremely sheltered because I have no memories of my parents complaining about their jobs. I think a lot of people in my generation got the same upbringing. We were all surprised when we found out having a job sucks ass. One time, my old boss took me into her office and asked my advice on how to improve morale so that the younger people would want to stay past 5pm. Most of them sprint out the door the second that clock hits 4:59:59pm. I told her the truth (do I tell anything else?) "You can't do anything. My generation doesn't want to work more than they have to." 
Bitch and moan about how lazy that is, and how back in their day they worked 70 hours for half the pay - we blame them for how we are. Those movies they put in our VCRs and then DVD players about the person who worked too hard and missed out on their life (Click, Up in the Air, etc, etc.) taught us that 'living life' (Watching Netflix) is more important than putting in the extra time at the office. We were handed everything from birth till the time we turned 23, and there are some who got the royal parental treatment even longer!
No one discusses the reality of going from college to the real world. Why? Don't just give out the advice "Enjoy it while it lasts." Why don't you spout off the nitty gritty of what really happens when you make that irreversible leap?
I'll start off what the rest of the world seems to be holding back from the young'uns:
1) Say goodbye to the sunlight and hello to fluorescent lighting, especially in the winter with that Daylight Savings nonsense. It took me about six months to adjust to not seeing the sunlight. You will go through various stages of anger and depression - all because you're lacking vitamin D.
2) Invest in a chiropractor early on because sitting 8+ hours a day in a cheap office chair pushes that mild scoliosis to a constant daily pain.
3) In addition to the lack of sunlight, your eyes will have to get used to looking at a computer screen all day long. I'm still not used to it, but I'm sure after a few generations our children's children will have extreme light sensitivity and no eyelids because blinking is inefficient when you're staring at 100 rows of Excel.
4)  Don't feel like going into work because it's raining? Be prepared to spew out a ton of BS to the secretary. I always say something about having bad period cramps - no one ever says anything to me the next day.
5) Good luck doing errands when you're working full time, most businesses close at 5pm. This includes the post office, which is the worst. During tax season I either get packages sent to my office or just face the fact that it will be sent back to the sender because I can't make it to the Post Office until April 15th.
6) If you are a small size to begin with, the instant you gain weight (it will happen) everyone in the office will speculate that you're pregnant. This is because typically it hits your lower abdomen first, but no worries, eventually it will spread to the rest of your body. Also, most work clothes are designed to accomodate a bit of bulge. My workpants have plenty of room for a fat lower abdomen. Cozy.
7) Why are you gaining weight? Every damn day there's another birthday in the office which means there will be cake. And every training or meeting involves pizza with soda. Never have I been harassed more in my life about what I eat than in the office. "Elle, you didn't take any chocolate out of my candy bowl this week!" "Elle, you're only eating one slice of pizza???" "Wow, that's a lot of veggies on your dinner plate, you are so healthy!" or today: "You're only buying cottage cheese for a snack? God, you are so health conscious." Training for a marathon was the worst experience in the office. I had to watch what I ate and drank AND would come in limping from a training run. People gave me absolute hell. 
8) There will be moments when you feel nothing but hatred towards your coworkers. When the air conditioning starts revving up and it sounds like a air raid -  you will pray that it is just so you never have to see their faces again. But then they'll help you with a project or forward you a hilarious email and you'll forgive them. Until they buy a damn house and jingle the new keys in your face.
9) And if all of these soul-crushing previous items were not enough of a reason to want to kill yourself immediately after graduating college: You can't openly admit all of these things because then you'll get fired and have to live under a bridge living on rats and sewer water. Plus once in a while, they entice you with another raise that will help pay for your increased consumption of alcohol.
Have fun kiddos, welcome to adulthood.
This post was written entirely for my sister who called me this afternoon crying because her boss will not allow her to take days off in March to see friends and family. This is her first real job, and she was hit with the realization that you can't up and quit when the Man fucks you over like that. Or you'll be eating bridge rats pretty quickly.

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