Diaries Magazine

How to Win an Oscar- A 10 Point Formula

Posted on the 25 February 2013 by Sajan


So ‘Argo‘ wins the best movie award at the Oscar’s this year. Frankly, I thought it would be Lincoln. But then there was Zero Dark Thirty which certainly seemed like a strong contender until a few weeks back. The increasingly tough competition at the Oscar’s points to only one thing- More and more movie makers have learnt the art of making an Oscar winning movie. It doesn’t matter if the movie is good or bad, what matters is if it satisfies a few ground rules laid down by the academy. Let me present to you a 10 point formula that one needs to keep in mind if he or she wants to win an Oscar:

  1. The Jew Factor-Make movies about Jews. They can be a pianist, a terrorist or a barber for all you care- The role doesn’t matter. As long as your protagonist is a Jew, you are in with a good chance to walk home with an Oscar
  2. War on Terror- Gone are the days when the Rambo’s and the James Bond flicks tried to cash in on the cold war. If you want an Oscar  pack your bags and go shoot a terrorist flick in Jordan. The plot does not matter- All you need are a couple of suicide bombers and a group of triumphant American Marines. Throw in a few choppers and Bombs, you got yourself a winner.
  3. World War II- Saving Private Ryanis a classic example of why the great war is still an Oscar Magnet even after so many years.But what makes the combination even more deadly is again, a Jewish story during World War II. That is a 100% Oscar award winner.
  4. Avoid Historical American Wounds- America is the land of freedom.You can make any movie you want and criticize anyone but if you are serious about winning an Oscar  please refrain from rubbing wounds on American History- As the Zero Dark Thirty and Avatar teams have now realized, you cant show the Americans torturing their prisoners or Destroying the natives land and still expect to win an Oscar for it!
  5. The Miserables- Any movie on Africa, Asia, Poverty, AIDS, rebels, genocide etc are given at least 1 Oscar.
  6. Biography- A biographical movie has a strong chance of winning an Oscar. It doesn’t matter if the person who the movie is based on is alive or dead, rich or poor, good or bad, boring or interesting.
  7. Family- Any movie that revolves around a Dysfunctional American Family is certain to knock down at least a few awards.
  8. Sci-Fi Alien Movies- If your storyline revolves around an american hero saving the entire world from anihilation because of an attack by aliens/mutated beasts/ comic book villians, then  Congratulations- You just won an Oscar.
  9. Mental Disorder- One interesting way of winning an Oscar would be to make the protagonist in your movie to suffer from some form of mental disorder. The academy loves schizophrenia, psychosis, dementia etc.
  10. Meryl Streep- If nothing else works, even if you plan to make a movie as bad as Mars Attacks, make sure you rope in Meryl Streep. She is the surest and easiest way to get your hands on an Oscar!

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