I'm Definitely Not Gay

I'm closer to being a lesbian than I am to being gay. I don't know what the appeal is towards men, I just don't see it! I have no problem with gays, literally no problem, even deep down I don't care, it could be my best friend, or even my own brother and it wouldn't effect me a bit to find out that he was gay. No matter how hard I look, no matter how "out side the box" I think, I just don't see any attractive features in any guy. Yeah I find some guys cool, or interesting, but there is no attraction, there is even a deep repulsion to even the thought of another guy; They just seem dirty, and ugly, I don't even see how a girl could find me attractive; When I look at my self it is like looking at an animal, or a car or something there is no attraction I don't get it.
Women on the other hand, It is exactly the opposite. I find it weird that when I look at a girl there is just an overwhelming desire to stare at her, touch her body, kiss her, and just drink in the beauty. But when it is a guy I don't feel any off that. I'm not saying I want to be gay, I'm just saying that it would be nice to see that unbelievable beauty in everything, and everyone; I envy the bi-sexual, to not be bound by gender and be able to find happiness with who ever makes you happy not whoever gets you horny.
Nick McDonald