I.Am.Not.In.Control.

I think that one thing God is trying to teach me through this long distance process is that I am not in control. He is. 
And tell you what, sisters. I hate it. 
I like being in control. I like a plan. I like knowing what is going to happen next. 
Right now, I am totally out of control of what happens next. I cannot control when jobs open or when an opportunity to be together arises. I want a plan. I want a count down. I want to KNOW the future. At this very moment, I know nothing. I couldn't even tell you the next time the Boyfriend can come visit Big City or I might be able to escape to Small Town.
Because I know this logically, you would think that I would be a "strong Christian woman" and pray about it. Then put it into God's hands and let him do the work. 
Instead, I spent the day becoming increasingly irritable over discomfort in my daily life, and the pure and simple fact that I cannot create a way for the Boyfriend and I to be in the same city by simply harassing the internet with a constant refresh of the classified pages.
Since I was open and honest about my strugles yesterday, I figured I'd keep that theme going today:
Right now I am somewhere between wanting to scream and throw things, or break down and cry.
It is not a good place to be in and I hope that I wake up tomorrow less abrasive. I also hope I wake up tomorrow to a job posting for my dream position in Small Town with a start date of ASAP. ... but I'm not holding my breath. 
The one thing I do have a countdown for is the Siesta Scripture Memory Team Conference in Houston. It is 10 days away! I am BEYOND excited to get some real live teaching from Beth Moore herself. If anyone can whip me back into shape in my confidence in God's will, it's definitely her. If, by some slim chance, you are reading this and attending, PLEASE let me know!