Diaries Magazine

Just One Wouldn’t Hurt, Right?

Posted on the 27 May 2019 by Monicasaidso @MonicaSaidSo__x
Idk why but this is something that comes up a lot and it’s always a funny conversation. I think it’s cuz I don’t seem like the kind of person that would be sober if that makes sense. People assume cuz I’m so twatty that it’s likely I drink, it always shocks folks a little when they find out. Just one wouldn’t hurt, right?

So I don’t drink, specifically I don’t consume alcohol; I love other beverages like iced soy mochas and peach tea, I fucking love cherry coke too. I just don’t drink anything alcoholic, I have a few reasons as to why I don’t drink buuuut I’d rather look at this from the point of view as to why y’all do drink. 

“It loosens me up”A lot of my mates cite alcohol as a social lubricant for them. They tell me it makes them feel more confident and funny, it shushes the little voice that screams their inhibitions. Now y’all don’t know me but... I have very few inhibitors. I am a shameless bastard, pretty much anything y’all need to be drunk to do I’ll most likely do fully sober... I have ,.:”*^•+~AnXiEtY~+•*^”:., to thank for that, it makes me blurt shit out and do dumb shit. Whilst stone cold sober I have stolen multiple traffic cones of various sizes, had multiple intimate escapades with my partner in questionable places and rolled in at extraordinarily late hours only to sleep until midday but the difference is I remember everything clearly and do not have a hangover. I’m already too loosened up, any more so I’ll be a loose cannon straight up ruining ya night and my life. “Everyone else is”Now I get this one but from what I can tell it can range from a sense of connection with those around you; you know y’all are bonding and shit to potentially peer pressure because it’s hard being around other humans but for me I don’t really feel the need to fit in. I’ve always had the problem of sticking out like a sore thumb. Like I was an Asian kid in a catholic school when I was 4 in Plymouth in the 90s, my whole school was white. I’ve never really fit in anywhere I’ve gone or been so everyone else drinking has no bearing on me. I give not a termites tits about what others are doing. I don’t feel the need to do whatever those around me are doing so they will like me or so I don’t stick out or even just because. I’m quite happy just chilling and anyone who would judge me for not drinking is not the kinda person I want to be partying with. “I just need it to de-stress”Ngl this one does make sense. I know folks who work their asses off all day, come home and over the course of a night down a few bottles, some folks drink on the weekends so they can let loose, some of my mates drink when they go out with their friends and some drink after they’ve had a bad day but like when I’m stressed my head doesn’t think “I need a drink” my brain just says “fuck I need a nap”. When I’m stressed I cannot eat or drink, all I wanna do it grind my teeth and slap bitches. To destress I do things like take baths, listen to Jay Sean, rant to my mates, watch the entire twilight saga back to back and on repeat. I have so many other really effective ways of calming down and relaxing that drinking just isn’t even on the list. “I like having a good time”From what I can tell folks associate drinking with times of merriment in their past, a kinda drunk nostalgia and so now they automatically equate drinking with a good time and it doesn’t really occur to them that they can have a good time without it, but they also don’t want to because why fix a tried and true method of having a blast. My friends talk about times as teenagers where they sat drinking in fields, or the clubs they’ve fallen out of with people they just danced and sang their heart out with. It’s a sort of good luck charm for the night. All of their most fun nights have one common denominator - drinking so it makes sense to keep it up. I think because I’ve not really had any of those experiences I don’t long for them or see them as necessary. All my favorite days/nights have been stone cold sober so it doesn’t make sense for me to add alcohol. I get why folks do it and I respect that. It’s their choice, they’re adults with the ability to make that choice. Almost of my mates drink and I’ll never try to stop them or act like I’m better cuz I don’t (I’m sure by now we’ve all deduced I’m fucking trash) but I have my reason why I don’t drink. Firstly, I’m way too reckless and unpredictable to be allowed to get drunk like my worst trait is that I do not have a limit like at all when it comes to almost everything. I can have too much of almost anything, for example I am lactose intolerant but do I stop eating dairy in amounts that make me sick? No, I do not. What on Earth makes you think I’ll know when to stop drinking? I still don’t trust myself with painkillers and it’s been 8 years since I tried to kill my self with them, I’ll call up my husband idgaf when he’s at work and ask him - not because I have to but because I don’t trust myself. I have zero self preservation and it’s so bad that I have to heavily rely on those around me who know me well to keep me safe because otherwise I’ll do dumb shit and put myself in danger. Secondly, in my life alcohol has pretty much always had a negative connotation; those I loved deeply drank and it made them into people who hurt me. I can’t think of a time where someone I care about has been better drunk than they are sober. Even my friends now I like them better sober- my very favorite version of my friends is when we FaceTime in the morning after they’ve had a really chilled day and a really good nights sleep; they always have the brightest colours and best vibes. Thirdly, drinking as an experience looks like zero fun to me, drunk/hungover people do not sell the whole drinking thing well. Idk if you’ve ever been a sober person around people who are tipsy or drunk but it is not a pleasant experience whatsoever. People watching in a bar or club when you’re sober and everyone else is drunk is WILD as fuck, it ranges from cute to genuinely terrifying. I’ve seen people who clearly like each other kiss for the first time but I’ve also seen a guy slam his mate against a wall and scream in his face that he needs to get his shit together because they’re gunna get kicked out. I’ll happily live vicariously through y’all. Fourthly, (that doesn’t look right but it’s not been corrected by two different apps so I’m assuming it’s okay)I hate spending money on myself like I get so fucking uncomfortable when I spend money on anything that’s solely for me so I cannot fathom blowing the cash that my mates do on just drinks. I’ve had messages of mates complaining about how much they’ve blown on nights out and how much they regret it like I’d rather spend that on takeaways or on my kid. It’s just an expense that seems too frivolous and pointless to me. I’ve had folks tell me that I can just have the non-alcoholic versions or substitutes many companies do apparently cater for those who don’t want to drink but want to look like they do - primarily pregnant women and ex alcoholics who don’t want to feel left out or odd from the reviews that I’ve read so far. But like... I don’t want to? I’d rather just have a coke or lemonade. I don’t drink fizzy drinks often so it’s a nice treat.I wish folks would just understand that I don’t want to join in this particular thing and just like I’m not making them feel weird for drinking they shouldn’t be making me feel weird for not drinking. I’m not judging you so maybe don’t judge me? I’m not tryna get you to stay sober so why are you tryna get me to drink? I know people who have “friends” knowingly give them alcohol as a prank? Like that’s not a prank you sack of wank, that’s just spiking someone’s drink. All you’ve done is spiked someone’s drink like a fucking rapist. Ya weirdo. Who even does that?? So if ya ever out with me I either want any pink mocktail, a coke, lemonade or a mango juice. Love and fuckeryMonica              xxx

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