Diaries Magazine

Lab Coats?

Posted on the 28 June 2013 by Missliabilities
My blog is currently under construction while I hire a website designer to pretty it up. I may also change the web address... I'm just in the mood for a change and I hate typing "liabilities" outside of work. Too many "i's", annoying.
This change could not have come at a more interesting time. The future doctor is having doubts again. I've reached out through email to a few of you for guidance because I feel completely lost on how to proceed. At first I suspected that his doubts were stemming from the newness and difficulty to accept the pimping of attendings as a teaching method. I think it is much deeper than that and he's been thinking about doing something else.
When we first met, I instantly recognized his personality quirks, morals, and motivations. I KNEW him so well and I knew he was the person I was going to be with. I was eerily sure of it from the beginning. Mori told me he wanted to be a doctor and while I understood so much about the values that kept him running, I couldn't understand why he wanted to be a doctor. He's a hard worker and extremely intelligent, but he is also slow and methodical about everything. He doesn't really like working with people and I don't think he cares AS much as other med students about helping people get better. You can't fault him, some of us were made to build bridges or do taxes and others were made to diagnose strep.
At the end of college we knew I was moving to Maryland and I pleaded with him to come with me and take a year or two more and go get his Masters. He was originally an engineer in school and that fit his interests and personality extremely well. I offered to support him while he was getting his degree and that he could always go back to med school if it was truly his dream. But that's just it, I don't believe this is his DREAM. This is something he believes he should be working towards based on his family's expectations.
It took three years to finally hit him that maybe this career is not for him. He doesn't feel passionate enough to work the tough hours of residency. He also feels that his methodical way of thinking isn't good for medicine. It takes him much longer to see the bigger picture about a patient's symptoms than his fellow classmates. Also, a close friend of ours very similar to Mori's personality is starting med school and Mori can't wrap his mind around why the friend would do it since he doesn't really care about people in that way. "Baby, neither do you!" I told him.
He's been thinking about my offer to support him through grad school from three years ago and has many regrets about not doing it. Mori has been reflecting on this constantly for the past 6 months and hasn't really brought it up to me seriously since he's not sure where to go from here.
Where do we go from here? What a question! He's currently reaching out to his old engineering professors and current program director to figure out options. He is considering taking a year off beginning immediately (end of summer possibly). I personally think he should go for an MD/PHD program and maybe incorporate bio-engineering into it. I think he wants to be a scientist/engineer more than a doctor. I don't know enough about medicine and our options. We both believe action needs to be taken before taking out another 60K of school loans.
How ironic that I was so negative when we first started this journey and the past two years I made a complete turnaround and really tried to encourage and support him. I just want him to choose something that makes him happy.
I'm not much of a religious person, but any prayers would be much appreciated and if you have ANY advice my email is [email protected]

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