I participate in the AllThingsFadra Stream of Consciousness Sunday, a five minute exploration of dumping whatever is flowing about one's brain and putting it out there for the whole world to see. I might not show you how I look under my clothing, but I will show you how I look under my scalp. Today, my brain is rumbling... precisely here.
Here I sit.
I have had multiple a-ha moments this morning and feel the need - the compulsion to get them down so if a five minute free flow writing is what will do the trick, good lordy I’ll take it.
The little scampering mice side of my brain says, “You won’t remember anyway so I don’t know why you delude yourself, sucker!” Oh, nice. That’s so nice.
Anyway - I realized I haven’t fully, one thousand percent committed myself to something long-term for a long, long, I’ve lost track of how long of a time. I have committed myself to short term sprints of devotion, but not long term, “I’m in it to win it!” sort of ways which might be one of the reasons I was especially dynamited by a friend’s recent scolding.
I have hunkered down and gotten things done, but I haven’t had the passionate joy that I have had in the past, probably because I believe at any moment some crisis (or crises) outside of my control will swoop in and take me off course so why bother in the first place?
I talked to Adam about this last Thursday.
We spoke of constellations constantly circling above my head - the facts and realities of what are in my life and worries that are, again, based on facts and true hard evidence that yes, they may spring up and drag me off and yes, that wouldn’t be pretty or sweet or complimentary when they happen especially if I am driving full force down the road of my own passionate devotion.
How interesting to note this, my non -- mice brain says.
So my Julie-center-self says, “Oh, how I miss that passionate commitment and devotion to a something inside and outside of myself!”
My timer has twenty one seconds to go. There is no way I can have any sort of interesting discourse in twenty one seconds.
Which is such an apt metaphor for this entire situation I have been living in for the last few years.
I’m going slightly over five minutes to say, this is what my friend Rilke wants me to know. I need to learn to love the questions I am living, not any of those other questions I used to live or may live someday. So, how do I create passionate commitment while these constellations are circling above my head?
What can I do to replicate that joyful blissed out feeling in the short chunks of time I have?
Who do I need to be that I can forgive myself when the wills of the wind push me off course and when other people get triggered by that, how do I stay open yet not slayed by where their triggers take them (while not allowing my own buttons to be pushed)?
Six minutes it was.
Thank you for listening.
JJS
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
- Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
- Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. This is writing in the raw.
- Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
- Link back to this post (feel free to use the SOC Sunday graphic).
- Add your post below (be sure to use the permalink to your post, not your blog’s URL; and only NEW posts please).
- Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.
Now…
Write your post and add your link at AllThingsFadra!
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Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people's creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in Spring, 2015 and beyond.
To contact Julie to schedule a Writing or Creative Life Coaching Session, call or text her at 661.444.2735.
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