He watches me watch him, secure in the awareness his Mommy loves him always and no matter what.
We don’t have to speak in the morning. We just enjoy quiet togetherness. In fact, Samuel is better at quiet togetherness more than most adults I know.
We have always had silent morning rituals, very connected and simultaneously very separate.
If I had to describe what respect feels like, this would be it.
This afternoon I asked Samuel to watch Jaxon while I went to use the restroom. He did some baby-whispering while I was out of the space.
“Jaxon thought you were mad at him when you left him here.”
I scooped Jaxon up, “Oh, no, I wasn’t mad at you at all, little sweetheart,” I told my grandson. “I just had to use the restroom and I knew Uncle Samuel could watch over you well.”
“He just thought you were,” Samuel said, “He kept crying when you left the room.”
Samuel’s observations fascinate me.
I last saw Samuel cry this summer. He and I were all crying, a domino effect of one family member loving another family member so much we couldn’t bear for them to carry the pain alone. Emma was doubly saddened because she hadn’t seen her thirteen-year-old brother cry in a long, long time.
If one of us hurts, all of us notices. Each of us offers love in return, a salve for the sadness in our uniquely inspired ways. We don't have to say a word. We have learned, from Samuel, the power of unconditional love and silent witness. We have learned the power of communicating without language.
We respect one another’s process and continue to walk this path created by love, always and no matter what.
He watches me watch him, secure in the awareness his Mommy loves him always and no matter what. He knows his Mommy loves him, no matter what.
This is what loving respect and respect for love feels like.
Samuel taught me that.
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist. Coming soon - more creativity camps, playgrounds and workshops to grow yourself artistically (and hey, just for fun!)
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