Movin On Out

Back from vacation to this...
Roommate and M are arguing downstairs about what I should be responsible for paying this month. I usually pay a set amount every month since a) I don't get my own room and have to share a tiny space with M and b) There's no way I would've agreed to paying for $90+ cable each month. If we were to split the rent in thirds, I still pay $40 more than I should. There's that two minutes of extra running water I use to shave my legs in the morning!
Really? You are trying to dime us on your final way out? Lets recap: Roommate has never vacuumed, mopped, or cleaned the bathroom. He has rarely bought the house essentials like toilet paper or dish soap. If one of our dishes (a spoon for example) is in the sink or drying rack, he refuses to wash and put away his own dishes - they default to ours since our spoon was there first. There's a used condom that's still making my backyard look like a brothel.
And a brothel was very much what he made this house from August to October when the clubwhores he'd found were paraded to his bedroom. Let us not forget that he left my cat outside twice in one week. The mood swings are almost as hard to handle as my own. I put your leftovers in tupperware = no speaking to me for a week. Someone uses a bit of your seasonings = labeling all of your food with your name while you eat all our eggs, use our condiments, lose our cat.
So what I "owe" you comes down to this:
-$350 for the stress of almost losing my $1,500 fur-baby
-$300 for cleaning and maintenance
-$50 for the eggs you egg eating asshole
-$1,000 for pain and suffering
-$100 for having to change our locks after you leave
I'll send you a bill in the mail and make sure I lick the envelope when I've got strep.
Jerk.