My 17 month old son made his father proud this past weekend. And by proud, I mean that he horrified me but would probably get a high-five from his Dad if he was old enough. Why? Well after dining at a restaurant on Saturday night and all the waitresses cooing and cahhing over my kids (the restaurant was empty, I’m pretty sure they were bored and looking for some entertainment…) my son took a liking to one young waitress in particular. We paid our bill, stood my son up on the floor to get his jacket on, and turned back to our table to grab our things. When we turned around, our son had taken off like a rocket running directly to his favorite waitress. She was sitting low on the ground to talk to our daughter and without even a second’s notice, my son proceeded to motorboat the innocent young lady. Yes, you read that correctly. He took his face and plunged it into the woman’s breasts and then shook his head from left to right repeatedly.
Needless to say, the look on the waitress’s face was priceless. She looked as if an old man had just slapped her on the ass and said, “Great job, sweet cheeks.” Except this dirty old man was my 17 month old son. When my son finally removed his face from her chest region, he turned around with the biggest grin on his face feasibly possible. My jaw fell to the ground and I apologized profusely to the waitress while shoving us all out the restaurant’s front door. However, when I looked back at my husband who was holding our son’s hand, I couldn’t help but see the slightest smirk on his face and an air of pride in his step. I knew at that moment my husband was saying in his head, “That’s my boy!”
If this is my son at 17 months old, I should start apologizing now to waitresses for what he’s going to be as a hormonal teenager… I’m thinking I might need to get a lawyer on retainer soon.
