No Strings Attached

There is something about having sex just for pleasure. As you may know from my other posts I am still a virgin, but what you don't know is that I have been on a mission to change that for the last week. I found a girl online today that is looking for a NSA (no strings attached) relationship. I bit the hook, I think that this could be a LOT of fun. But I am a hopeless romantic, I love the thought of true love, that somewhere out there is this person that I will be inevitably drawn to; And when we meet we will be perfect for each other, we will fall so deeply in love that we won't even think to look at someone else, it will just be us, together forever. But what the fuuuuuuck I want something to happen now!!!! I'm tired of waiting, I hate it! It is even worse because you don't know if that person is out there, it's a good thought and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, but it is no match for something happening NOW! I'm hopefully going to meet this girl some time in the next week, and we are just going to fuck the shit out of each other for a couple hours then I'm going to go home and nothing is going to change, we're not going to fall in love, there isn't going to be a thumping in my heart ever time I see her; Is that sad? Sure it is, but it's a sadness I have chosen. I'm not saying that I won't keep my eyes out for the love of my life while I'm banging whoever will let me, but I can't keep being sad and alone while I wait. I just need to feel close to someone, even if it isn't real. It's not because I'm a horny hormone riddled teenager, I never have been a teenager. When I was ten years old my mother committed suicide, it fucked me up a lot I can't be sure but I think that is why I have never been close to anyone since, I have to break out of this trend I have of being alone, or else when I find the one, I won't stand a chance I will just be a blubbering idiot, that she doesn't look at twice. I have never been a teenager Because when I was ten, I went from being a normal kid, not even normal, I was one of the more outgoing ones I would talk to the girls, flirt in that cute childish way, all of that. But after that, I just changed into an awkward adult in the body of a child, there was no one I could relate to no friends that knew what I was going through, It was slow but steady, by the time I graduated high school I was so fucked up I would freeze up when a girl even looked at me.
I'm better with strangers, when I have nothing to prove, no reputations to uphold if I mess up there is no awkward looks in the hallways between classes, we probably will never see each other again, there is no pressure.
So here I go! Into the world of sex, shame, and regret; Goodbye purity, goodbye virginity, goodbye old Nick. I'm becoming a new person before my eyes, not a better person, not really a worse person, just different. I'm throwing my values out the window, there is no more limits to what I can or can't say, If I want to have sex with a girl I will do it, if I want do disgusting things with older women I will. I never thought that I would say this but the government did pretty damn good setting the age when someone is considered an adult; My 18th birthday is in 2 days.
So this is me, teen Nick saying goodbye because I am about to die. I am the sacrifice that has to be made so that Nick McDonald can be happy, I must die so he can live and go on to do what ever disgusting, filthy things make him happy. So goodbye to all, I must go now, to the place where dreams go to die, to where the innocence of every girl will go to live after Nick has his way with her.
Nick McDonald