Diaries Magazine


Posted on the 11 June 2012 by Thefatalfemme @The_Fatal_Femme
Well that was embarrassing.
Really embarrassing.
And it was only my lunch hour!
A couple of weeks ago I went to the opticians. It was long over due.
I work on a computer all day, I should wear reading glasses (I don't!) and I always have headaches.
Yes. It was about time I went.
So I did.
It was 2 for 1 - great!
Except, I only need one pair. They're only for reading - why would I need two pairs?!
I asked if I could have one pair and only pay half...
They said no.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes! Glasses.
I managed to pick out two frames that didn't look too horrendous. It only took me three trips and two second opinions.
I got the call this morning telling me they were in.
I tootled over to the opticians in my lunch hour to pick them up, filled with excitement.
How wrong I was.
I'd forgotten they had to fit the frames to your face...
...have I not mentioned before that I have a slightly wonky/bent/large nose?
Well I have.
Hooter springs to mind.
It was about 20 minutes into the appointment that my embarrassment levels really began to climb.
One of the few times I've gone puce.
The poor sales assistant was on his 17th attempt to get the glasses to sit straight on my face.
And I'm soooooo not exaggerating.
As if it couldn't get any worse, his colleague then came over to help.
He asked: "Have you ever broken your nose?" (nosy bastard!)
"Yes" I said, "Three times"
"THREE TIMES?!" he said, "Wow that explains it!"
Isn't that nice?
Not only has some turd insulted me but I now have to sit through the rest of my day wearing glasses that look like they're on the wrong side of tipsy!
We didn't even ask for his help. Not that he did help. My glasses are still on the wonk.
I may have a big honker (no not that kind of honker!) but at least I'm not nosy.
There are some questions one should not ask...
...and if said one insists on asking them, said one should expect to be walloped in the face.
Have a bit more decorum.
The Fatal Femme cannot be held responsible for any spelling or grammatical mistakes in this post as she has only recently changed the prescription of her glasses. In addition to this, the frames are not entirely fitted correctly and so impair her vision. Any complaints and/or corrections can be sent directly to The Fatal Femme's opticians: Blindasabat Opticians, 241 Take-the High Road, London WC1 ICU. FAO Mr Richard Bonce.

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