Playing Doctor

M has a physical exam final this week where he gets a fake patient and runs through all the different tests to see if there's something unusual. So he asked if he could use my body to practice.
Oh baby, sure thing! He put on his sexy (clean!) scrubs and pulled out the stethoscope. Meanwhile I'm sitting in a chair grinning for what comes next.
And he knocks my sternum HARD. Jesus Christ, ouch! He continues painfully palpitating my ribs and shoulders where I know bruises will be the next day. This is not fun!
He tells me I'm the worst patient ever and that it doesn't really hurt that bad, oh and stop squirming when he's trying to check my spine.
After an hour and a beer later (he didn't condone drinking in the doctor's office but made an exception for me) we learned the following:
-I'm not good at keeping my legs straight when bending over (get your mind out of the gutter!)
-I feel ill when my belly button or the area around it is touched
-I can't stand my spine being touched
-I can't do the test to see if the liver is enlarged. It makes me giggle.
-I have poor eyesight
-I am slow when it comes to doing repetitive things like tapping
His diagnosis:
-I'm the worst fake patient ever
And the likelihood of us ever playing doctor again is now zero.