RE: Email Template

Hi Nobody,
I hope you are well?
I am writing to you because it makes me look like I am doing something; giving the image of diligence and efficieny.
However, this is not the case. I am emailing Nobody. 
I don’t even have Nobody’s email address. 
So I can’t even send it. 
Ergo, this email is pointless. There is no point. To this email.
I am not shirking. I have worked incredibly hard today, it’s 25 minutes before home time and I am knackered. 
If I start anything now it will overlap into home time. Therefore it can wait ‘til the morn.
My deadlines have been met, my work for today is complete and I have, now, 20 minutes before I can go home.
What to do in 20 minutes?
I could go to the loo… GOOD IDEA!
Be right back…
…I’m back. That killed 4 minutes. I washed my hands twice…
OK. I am officially out of ideas.
I started writing this email because I was bored and now I’m bored of writing this email. 
There’s nothing worse than boring yourself.
I’m beginning to find this email taxing, hard work, you know? 
Which is exactly what I was trying to avoid.
Therefore, I must henceforth complete this email and go home... in 9 minutes.
I await your response.
Yours sincerely,
The Fatal Femme