Scars, Wounds and Remembering to Fearlessly Flaunt Them Without Regret

From Patty Bechtold:

Reverb12 Writing Prompts:

The rewards and gifts I’m taking from this past year into the next are…

The wounds and battle scars I’m taking from this past year into the next are…

The gifts of my wounds are…

My biggest “Big Wound Thing” from 2012 is my melanoma and the wound from my melanoma surgery which still isn’t absolutely right. It is on its way to being right, but as of now, no no no no no.

Did I mention “NO!”

Just after my surgery my friend Jennie said, “Oh, I bet the day will come when you will celebrate your scar!” She is right, to a degree.

Perhaps in the months to come I will celebrate it more vociferously.

I would venture to guess I am still too close to it and the reality of another surgery hovering about I feel like I am in the “Celebration Green Room” – waiting to be called to places before I “go on stage” to announce, “My scar celebration time is here!”

The time before and after my surgery also strengthened my “No, not at this time,” button. I was able to turn things down, cancel commitments and create my schedule from moment-to-moment rather than month-to-month.

It seems as if all my battle scars of the year harken from this one incident but I know that can’t possibly be true.

Digging more deeply: I have battle scars from being rejected via betrayal. Repeatedly. This particular episode coincided with my melanoma which only made it feel worse and like my melanoma wound, the scar is taking its time to heal.

I have learned a lot about grace and unconditional love from this horrific chapter of my life. I would say I have integrated a lot of what I had learned about grace and unconditional love. I also believe this chapter is one that still has pages to turn in 2013.

There is my Theater Absence Battle Scar which was at first by choice and then, later, by melanoma fate.

I have learned how deep my love for theater is and I have also learned I need to work on production more, to put together my own projects from top to bottom and then bring them to the community without a particular venue being in control.

Gifts? Tenacity. Grace. Truly Unconditional Love. My friendships are more supportive than I ever knew they could be. I am stronger than I ever knew I was. I am now a (and I abhor this expression) “boundary” setter and holder. I know the power of healing on an entirely new level.

I have also remembered and will carry forward the strength in holding “Gratitude” and “I am completely pissed off about this!” at the same time. Some people don’t know this is true but 2012 has taught me this is completely possible. I have done it…. and am willing to continue to carry it.

These quotes from Carly Simon couldn’t have found me at a more perfect time. She is my favorite singer since 1973 (!), someone I wanted to actually become in high school. Well, I finally know her on a very intimate level through our shared experiences with scars.

“I just want to show off my scar proudly and not be afraid of it.”

“My scar is beautiful. It looks like an arrow.” (Mine looks like a heart!)

Her quotes are rising up in my world. I’ll create art with them.

2012: You were a horrifically wonderful gift to me.

2013: I am looking forward to what tortuous magnificence we will create together!