It was a night like any other night when I was doing something I didn't want to be doing.
I was passing the time, sitting on a bench next to the dressing room where Emma was trying on clothes. I had my phone out and was considering snapping a photo of reflections in the mirror 
when I saw a little girl’s image appear, watching me.
I watched her watch me and without skipping a beat I thought, “I know what she’s thinking, ‘Why would that fat old lady want to take a picture of herself anyway? Ewwww.”
Chances are she was just bored and curious. The thoughts I put into her head were all mine.
In that moment I knew I not only needed to take the photo of the fat old lady that is me, I needed to take it and hit send immediately to my Instagram women who are all making chronicles of our year visually via the #365feministselfie project.
The concept is simple: take a selfie - what some see as completely self indulgent and just plain annoying and wrong - and use it as a method of growing in self acceptance and self love.
We’re now three months and a few days into the project. I have only missed a couple days.
The majority of my shots show me in a favorable light. I’ve learned how to take photos of myself so I can look lovely first thing in the morning, without even a smudge of lipstick on my face. The one thing I am not comfortable photographing though is my whole self.
Society doesn’t agree with photographing fat old ladies afterall. Fat old ladies aren’t seen as conventionally beautiful. They’re tolerated at best and made fun of quite a bit.
This is all the more reason to just say yes to taking and sending that photo!
Looking at that sweet little girl reflected in the mirror and my instant self loathing thoughts I was reminded of another adventure in visual body appreciation. I had a friend who was dying of cancer right on the heels of another dear friend dying of cancer so I was very conscious of time passing quickly.
I had a vision of nude art photos I decided I wanted to have taken.
This vision included a woman photographer and somehow gritty and ethereal shots and I put it out there to the universe thinking I would never find what I wanted which was really just as well when boom. A woman in a community I was a part of volunteered to take photos of me in her Echo Park garage.
Seriously?
Those photos completely shifted how I saw myself.
They helped me see the stretchmarks on my belly as new worlds to be explored. They helped me see the beauty in my curves and the luxury in the mystery that lies in this skin.
I even posted some of the ones that are more mystery and less blatantly me being naked on my blog. To date I’ve only gotten a couple nasty comments about my weight in those photos. What I loved was all the praise I received, even if it was fake horrified praise, I believed it.
I believe it.
If you have read this far I’ll trust you’re in it for the long haul.
Here is what I have learned:
When we learn to love our bodies exactly as they are, our bodies will love us back AND if we want to work with our bodies to look differently, the power and presence to do so will come. It is radically different than the attempts we make to beat our bodies into submission.
It is more being the change we wish to see than drill seargeant “grunt body you look like crap and you know it” style which I respond to with much better results.
The #365feministselfie project works like the softer, gentler, kinder "love your body as it is" version of body love. It is why I hit send with the less than flattering to me, mind opening little girl in the corner story telling selfie that started this posting.
This weekend I went hiking with beloved friends. I noticed I moved faster than usual with fewer breaks than usual. My heart responded by drumming enthusiastically against my breast bone. I laughed with it and sang a bit with it.
This is how your body responds when you choose to love it just as it is. You sing together. You laugh together. You believe in each other.
I will treasure that moment with that little girl, reflected in the mirror and the reality I have it now forever.
How will you love your body today?
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people's creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming Spring, 2014 and beyond.
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