Diaries Magazine

Spring for Change

Posted on the 01 March 2013 by Missliabilities
It was a difficult month and a really hard week. Most of my problems stem from work as a result of being there 60 hours a week but also because I'm unhappy there. The cracking moment occurred on Tuesday. A supervisor came to tell me that a girl with the same level of experience who started a month ago was going to be reviewing my work.
It was the last straw. These people make me feel stupid and inadequate every day, and now they are letting someone at my level with less experience on the software and processes be my supervisor. Fuck it, I went home at 6pm and didn't go to work the next day.
I hadn't cried so hard in a while and it was such a good stress reliever. I asked myself what I should do. Should I look for other jobs? Should I take out loans for grad school and work part time as a temp?
Most who work in my industry say they do it for the people. What do you love most about your job? The people, they always say. Well that's what I hate most about my job. I don't mind the long commute, the worn down building, and I enjoy the hours and mild stress. I cannot stand the people. They aren't bad, but I can't connect to them at all.
After sitting around in sweat pants and contemplating what I want out of life I decided to stay for as long as I can. It's painful to be somewhere that doesn't give a shit about you, but I'm going to use it to my advantage. I'll learn as much as possible, get as much out of their tuition reimbursement that I can, and then leave and never look back.
I want to stay till M finds out his residency in two years. Life might have other plans for me. I'm sure my coworkers can recognize my indifference towards them. That can't go too well when it comes time to evaluate staffing needs. If they fire me, I'll focus on grad school and find a part time accounting job.
So until that time I'll put on my happy face and go there every day with a secret: that I'll be better off than them at the end of all of this.

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