Diaries Magazine


Posted on the 22 July 2011 by Thefatalfemme @The_Fatal_Femme
When working in retail (sandwich making for a high profile department store to be precise) your mind wonders through various images and you invariably end up talking drivel with the people you work with.
Case and point - the topic, Valentine's day.
Apparently our fish counter gets incredibly busy on V-day. I haven't worked there long enough to witness this but I thought it rather bizarre.
That is, until my colleague pointed out to me that we sell oysters.
Ahhh oysters! Nature's only aphrodisiac that looks like a giant bogey. What could possibly be more arousing?!
Well anyway, I impressed myself greatly by musing how painfully obvious a man's intentions would be by buying oysters and how if my boyfriend did it, I'd quip "Couldn't you have just got your cock out love?" Save a few pennies, you know what I mean?
But horror of horrors, instead of tittering along with me, my colleague was mute and visibly awkward... bearing in mind my colleague is a 19 year old lad about to go off to university. I would've thought this comment was right up his street.
Silence. Painful. Eek.
I continued de-shelling the boiled eggs into egg mayonnaise and thankfully the conversation moved on.
Now, I would normally still be embarrassed by this event (9 hours later) but I'm not. I'm pissed off.
Minutes after this conversation had ended, my colleague began boasting about how he'd spent last V-Day in a strip club, "watching some batty" in his words.
WELL. Well I never.
His concluding tone insinuated that I should be impressed or humoured by this tale.
As fucking if.
In fact I felt conned into feeling awkward after my comment. At least mine was funny. And not derogatory.
Well perhaps maybe it was to my boyfriend. But he'd never buy me oysters. So it was hypothetical. No damage done.
How could my colleague be so shocked by my brazen use of the word cock and yet happily go to a strip club and observe women immitate humping the exact topic I raised - a cock?
Maybe if I'd made my joke whilst grinding the cheese grater he would've been able to cope with it better.
I've noticed recently that some people just cannot cope with women being funny or witty.
Now I'm not tooting my own horn (wink wink) and arrogantly assuming that my cock reference counts as high calibre comedy. But it was funny.
It has annoyed me because at first I presumed that he was just uncomfortable with the sexual reference. But he wasn't. Or else he wouldn't have shared his sickening "batty" revelation.
It won't stop me from being funny.
I actually quite enjoy knowing that I make some people feel uncomfortable.
Sick really. Or funny.
But for god's sake don't mix sex and humor when you're in the company of a moron.
They won't get it.
Or they'll just burst.
Watch this space...

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