Diaries Magazine

Temporary Break.

Posted on the 13 November 2015 by Gracem16 @TSITR_Gracie
Hey guys,
I've been struggling with putting some sort of sense together in my blog posts, that's because I've lost all focus and really struggling to write anything. I'm looking for the shining orb that is happiness or in some sense what is imagined as happiness.
 This has been hard to find after a really bad break-up with my boyfriend of six and a half months. Neither of us blame each other, we just stood on polar opposites of each other. Naturally, I wish this wasn't the situation. I could perhaps class this as one of the lowest points in my life. As this is my blog, I want to be entirely truthful with the current situation.
I'm feeling a real depression seep through me, which isn't like me. I'm normally a bubbly, outgoing, well spirited person. Lately though I've been gnawed at by perpetual demands. To find a place of my own, to have a good job, to earn more money. When all I want to do is stay in bed, under the duvet and read.
 I know that factors like going to work are all social positives, I get to spend time with other people, I get to earn money and my job isn't all that bad. it has it's moments, but what job doesn't. Has the job put a strain on my relationships? Sure, but I know that those relationships will survive this rocky phase. Life is a learning curve. The current stability is rewarding, but I remain in constant fear of what will change, what will alter, what will crumble. As I've said though, I'm trying to maintain some positivity.
It remains an uphill struggle though, I feel as though I will never settle.  That I will live with my parents, alone, with no destiny for greater things.
In a turn, I've decided to play the lottery tomorrow, in the hope of perhaps even a smidge of fate will come from it. My mom always said if you don't try you won't succeed. So this lives to be my next solution for some refrain of hope.
In deeper thought to happiness, I think it's important to focus on the essence of what make you happy. I'm really finding it hard to find happiness with these things, apart from the blindingly obvious. My sister is doing terrific at school, and I find happiness in that she is doing things she adores. I have two very supportive parents who are always there when I need them, My dad is always on hand to make me laugh. My best friends Jade and Alex remain pillars of my stability, I honestly can't love two people more than enough. Sure I'll never have the grand adventures I planned with Adam, and maybe that's more than okay. Maybe I'm meant to have bigger, grander adventures with someone else.
 You can only create your own happiness, I fully understand this. I grasp it in it's context. I just long for my life to be one of happiness, of fulfilling joy. I just don't know how to manifest this. It will always remain a battle. I guess I just have to continue up the path, to see where things end up.

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

About the author

Gracem16 1 share View Blog

The Author's profile is not complete.