Not long ago my teen told me her friends declared to her, “Your Mom loves you too much.” What I think they meant was, “Your Mom sure loves you a lot! (and I wish my Mom showed her love as much as your Mom does.) I decided it might help if I shared some of what I do in order to make my daughter feel loved and her friends the teensiest bit wistful… and hope they build even better relationships with their Moms.
- Make your home a teen-friendly environment.
Don’t be a helicopter hostess but do have
Hosting Study Groups is a great way for my teen to get her homework done.
snacks and drinks available and
plentiful.
Hosting Study Groups is a great way for my teen to get her homework done.
snacks and drinks available and
plentiful.- Treat teen’s friends with respect. Ask friendly questions and compliment something about them each time you see them.
- Take your hospitality to school: I pack extra cookies in my daughter’s lunch. Sometimes I pack extra entrée-foods as well. I have found with teens that offering food = making quick friends.Also consider a Pizza Friday. Take four or so pizza’s to your teen at lunch hour on a random Friday. The concept is to share pizza and make friends. It works!
- Become the study group hub for your teens and your teen’s friends. My teen finally learned the value of study groups and now they are a regular occurrence at our home and her friend’s homes. It doesn’t only help them build relationships, it helps them increase their grades as well.
-
Spend special one-on-one time with your teen.
My eldest daughter and I had a recent day to ourselves. We both benefited!
My eldest daughter and I had a recent day to ourselves. We both benefited!
- When possible, invite other Mom-teen pairings so that you will all benefit. We did this at an art museum in Pasadena so we traveled together, ate together, went on a tour together and afterwards, had more depth to each relationship in our group.
- Do service with your teen and her friends following her nudges or ideas rather than what you want to do. If you follow only your interest, the service may become a grudge-builder rather than a relationship builder. If she likes animals, volunteer to help at an animal shelter even though you would rather plant gardens or deliver meals to the elderly.
- Include your teen and her friends in planning their next big event. My daughter and her friends will be here next week to prepare for the formal. My participation will be primarily in readying the space as well as providing snacks, mirrors and lights, perhaps hair spray and the like.
- Be the parent who is happy to drive your teen
and her friends to events. I drive my
daughter
After their performance, they had pizza with other singing friends. I drove.
and her choir friends to performances. A bonus is I usually sit in my
car and read or write while they are inside, so I get some bonus “me” time
while building a relationship with my daughter and her friends.
After their performance, they had pizza with other singing friends. I drove.
and her choir friends to performances. A bonus is I usually sit in my
car and read or write while they are inside, so I get some bonus “me” time
while building a relationship with my daughter and her friends.- Don’t wait until your teen is in high school to start implementing these ideas. If you wait that long, it might be too late.
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© 2013 by Julie Jordan Scott
This is my thirteenth post (of 31!) for the January Ultimate Blog Challenge. Watch here for challenge posts which will include Writing Prompts, Writing Tips and General Life Tips and Essays.
