There is a dichotomy I face regarding money. There's an intellectual/logical awareness about it and there is some inner emotions to be worked upon. This blog is an attempt to get the inner work done. Yes, writing works like that in healing too.
Let's get started.
The Intellectual / Logical Awareness-
I had a conversation recently with a senior from another B-school and a pretty established FMCG company in India, who too had left her job in 2020. She told me a few things about money as follows-
- People are going to tell you don't care about the money. But money is still important for living. I earn by conducting yoga workshops and DMT ( Dance Movement Therapy) workshops. It's not as much as I used to before. But it's still pretty good. And I have a rented apartment and everything. So, don't neglect money altogether. You'd need it.
Her story was inspiring. It was also something I knew already. When I had told my coach back in 2019 that I never have money problems, that I never feel that I don't have enough, he had told me to not reject money. Money is important for the body and everything it requires.
So, yes, money is important. The challenge is not to earn money but to earn it while doing something we love doing. I think that's a major problem people face. And then they choose the most convenient path - to have money despite of doing things we love doing or not. In most cases, people are not aware of things they love doing.
The Inner Work-
Inner-work involves working on the Limbic System - the thoughts, feelings and emotions part. Although I have always been very secure about my relationship with money, and never really faced any money problems per se, there were contradictory emotions at play of late, that I am observing now.
The guilt of having too much. It's real.
Friends would always make me feel that by saying things like I work in a big organization and all. But there's something more that happened.
Last year, I received three increments and eventually the exact CTC I wanted for that year. That's a good thing except that my peers and seniors did not. They got the promotion later than I did and they would often complain about how little their salary is. I ended up earning more than them. And because of that there was this unspoken shame and guilt.
My inner critic would say things like - Do you think you deserve so much? How can you be earning more than them? What's the point of earning so much more money?
I am only processing these emotions recently after learning the limiting points of views around it. By feeling these emotions, I rejected the money I had earned or manifested for myself. By feeling I don't deserve so much wealth, I did exactly what my coach told me not to, I rejected the energy called money.
The rejection has become so deep now that any time I feel like earning more, I stop myself. I wonder do I even deserve so much happiness and abundance and wealth. Can I really have it all? Can I have my cake and eat it too? What would people say? Won't they be jealous of me?
This is the first time I am addressing as well as feeling these emotions. And again, as first-world problem as it may feel like, this is a limiting point of view that is stopping me from creating more and having more, even though I know I work hard enough to deserve it.
So, how to get rid of these feelings now that I have acknowledged them?
Of course, the conscious mind would say this is all bullshit so you should get rid of it. The question is how?
Here's how!
I will be listing down all the big things money buys for me. And no, I am not going to write about a big house or a big car, but the things I truly value.
1. FREEDOM
Money buys me freedom. By having enough money, I become financially independent. By being financially independent, I can live life in my own terms. I can choose to marry someone from any caste/religion/etc or I can choose to not marry at all. I can choose to live with someone or I can choose to live with myself. The society no longer has a hold on me, only because I have enough money to do everything I want to. I am who I am because of the money I have earned, or taken from my sister in my younger days. There was an interview by Prashasti Singh where she said - Being a woman from a middle-class family, I can never not have money.
Now the question is, do I need money to live a free life? I don't. My mindset can be wired in a way that I can choose to live however I want to without letting society dictate my choices. But would I like to have more money to live a free life? Oh, hell, yes!
And that's because of the second thing, money buys for me. And that's-
2. CONVENIENCE
Money allows me to have maids in my house who do all the household chores I hate to do. Money allows me to get groceries at my doorstep without needing to step out. Money allows me to book my flights to wherever I want to, at the last minute. (Because of it people often say I have my life priorities right). I could do all this because I knew there was never going to be a lack of money ever. I will always get my money from my next salary, and I would use it to buy my convenience. And that convenience made me rest, relax, enjoy more which ultimately made me happy. So, money buys me happiness that way.
3.SAFETY, SECURITY AND EVERYTHING ELSE
Of course, money buys me all of this and whatever it buys for me.
So, what are my emotions right now?
Even though I am not spending any less than I used to, I am a bit worried on from where money would come to me. Not worried on the surface because I am aware it will come and that when the time requires I will push myself to create more. But somewhere, I am still checking the prices I never used to check before- price of the flight tickets, the cab fare, the rent and more.
Some savings and honouring of money is good, as now I would only spend where I really want to or which will create greater for me. Notice that I haven't written "where I have to" here.
Before spending, I can ask myself - Will it create greater for me? Will it contribute to my life and reality? And follow the energy to make the choice.
So, now that money is an energy, let's clear the air and the blockages around it that I may have built unconsciously with the feelings of guilt I had before and now that lack.
Speaking to fewer people always helps though. Life's much better now because of this. But here are two techniques.
1. Five Elements of Intimacy with Money
a) Honour : I honor the money I have in my bank account. I honor the raise I have received. I honor the gifts I have received. I honor the life money has created for me.
b) Trust: I trust that I will make more money than I can imagine with ease, joy and glory.
c) Allowance : I am willing to allow money to come and leave as and when it chooses. I am willing to allow more money to come in without feeling guilty. I am willing to allow more money to come in with total ease, joy and glory.
d) Gratitude : I am thankful for the life money has created for me. I am thankful to money for all the things it has bought for me.
e) Vulnerability : I am willing to lose it all to have it all. I am not afraid of losing it. I am not afraid of lack.
2. The Ho'oponopono Technique
The short version goes like this - I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank You. I love you.
If you are reading this and what I have written is not understandable to you, please let me know.
