Samuel hiking in the Utah Desert: Summer, 2012
I watched Samuel walk from the car toward school this
morning. I still carry incredulity in my front pocket when I realize this is
the very last month of my career as an elementary school mother. I’ve been
doing this elementary school mommying gig since 1990 so it is more than a wee bit shocking to realize,
especially with my beloved son being my final elementary school student.
I often equate his schooling with pain and sadness and fighting and exhaustion and wondering “Will this ever get better?” The girls were a breeze. I never thought about it with them much. Now, with Samuel, I am nearly always on red alert for the school to call to tell me something happened: something bad, either to Samuel or because of Samuel.
Then I watch him on a hiking expedition with friends and see
him energetically lead the way. I see how he gives all that leadership fun up
in order to “help me” across the creek. I watch him create videos and laugh and
write comedic scripts and I realize there is so much more to him than he
usually shows. I watch his concentration and joy as he rides his bicycle.
Tomorrow I will be visiting the junior high he will be attending. I told him this morning I would be going there. “Why?” he asked.
“I need to check it out before you go and make sure it is a decent place!”
He seemed satisfied.
I hope I am satisfied.
People tell me they can’t tell he has autism. This is one of the challenges of not being neurotypical. If you are high functioning enough, you just seem like every other child until you are watched more carefully.
Today is Samuel’s birthday. He is twelve years old. He has taught me so much about both deep, profound pleasure and deep, profound pain. I need to remember the pleasure more as well as make more opportunities to experience pleasure with him.
Samuel and Mommy
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© 2013 by Julie Jordan Scott
