I had written this post many months ago, and then deleted it. My thought process has turned upside-down since then, and I couldn’t go back to that post without thinking that I was lying. Of course, I have such a vast readership that everyone asked me where that post went! So I thought of writing it again with my new improved thought process (wow, I am terrible – I couldn’t think of anything else to call it, but “new improved”!)
Okay, the part about my readers asking me about the post is an absolute lie (as if, I needed to tell you that!) What really happened was that Varun Singh wrote a post on the subject and it reminded me of my own post. He and I talked about his post as well. Long ago, a
- Staring at each other from a distance and giggling.
- Talking nonstop to each other. Trying to spend every waking moment with each other.
- Getting used to each other.
- Not being able to stand the sight of each other
Somewhere between stage 1 and stage 4, we lose sight of who we are outside this relationship. Breaking up is like getting detached from a piece of yourself and for a while you are so disoriented, you just don’t know how to keep functioning without that missing part. Also, between stages 1 to 4, you have learnt so much about a whole other individual. You have been their best friend, you have loved them to bits, you have had endless conversations with them. You love someone you can share stories with, with whom time passes by like seconds.
Now, the truth is that sometimes conversations die. You cannot blame anyone. They just die. And when conversations die, love dies with them. Either you can go for a clean break because that’s what you both want. Or you can throw plates at each other, tear at their hair, gouge their eyes because of all the pent up anger and resentment because why! Oh why, did the love die!
Friendship in scenario 2 – impossible, in my opinion. (Come on, you gouged their eyes out!)
In scenario 1, you can remain friends. There is no blame-game. You guys just amicably decided to part ways. You already are friends, and have been a very significant part of each other’s lives. Friendship comes very easily to you. Maybe not the 4 am kinda friendship, but you are civil and cordial with each other, like you are with some distant relatives you meet at random family functions (and clearly, you know your ex better than the relatives!)
So, friendship between two exes is perfectly possible – right up to the point where one of you moves on. There are some of us who despite being friends with an ex have grown so far apart from them that they don’t care if the other person moves on. But a question to the rest – how sincere are you when you say, “I am happy for you”?
Like I said in the beginning, I am “that annoying guy” that during a debate goes, “it depends, you know, like, I mean, this whole crazy stuff bla bla.” I still believe that friendship between exes may be possible. At the same time, I believe it may not possible. I believe at least one of them is getting hurt in that friendship. And yet, at the same time, I believe it’s all about individual preferences.
Since my reader is bugged that I made them read till the last line (or so I would like to believe!), only to say both ways are possible, I strongly recommend you read the better post on the subject here!
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