The interesting thing about heartbreak is that, at least for me, it simultaneously instills a strong desire to be left alone, along with an insatiable urge to be around other people.
Thus, here I am, in a hotel lobby, in a different state, trying to escape everyone, and yet not wanting to be in my room with no one.
I don't really know how to move forward, and have mixed feelings about going backwards. I can only be.
Right here. Right now.
Unfortunately, here and now is a horrible combination of devastated, irrationally (and somewhat rationally) angry, exhausted and disappointed.
And so, blogging friends of mine, this is why I haven't been around much. Any posts you've seen in the last two weeks were scheduled in advance (sorry to blow the surprise), and I've only been able to muster Twitter and Instagram from my iPhone.
Which is OK, because the friend I'm staying with doesn't have wifi or TV anyway.
I'm spending most of my hours in silence or with friends, trying to find healing in a situation I never foresaw and couldn't imagine in my worst nightmares.
The other interesting thing about heartbreak... is that it makes you question how you could ever love again. I don't really know how a heart ever heals itself, and I feel pretty powerless to help the process. Other than to be alone, while surrounded by people.
{P.S. I'll answer the question most of you are probably wondering - because it's the one I get asked the most. Is there a chance for reconciliation? I hope so. I am in constant prayer for exactly that. But this wasn't my decision. And it isn't what I want. It's up to him to decide the likelihood of the "R-word."}
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