Nothing to say other than I’m so tired.
And also, I’ve lost 27 pounds.
I’m so glad the sun and summer are finally here. I am living in the liminal moments as much as possible, my weekends filled with boating and water and sunlight and friends but the nights are filled with restlessness, headaches, and sheer exhaustion. How can these juxtapositions exist? I am blissfully happy, painfully tired, horrifyingly absent-minded, and hopeless and hopeful all in one confusing moment.
My mind has become little more than a sieve and my to-do list grows longer by the second. I am the epitome of forgetfulness. The amount of apologies I’ve had to make in the past 24 hours for things I’ve simply forgotten to do is overwhelming.
I take Nortriptyline so I can try to sleep, but it doesn’t work and instead I am hungover. I exercise to feel alive for an hour. I eat less and less and grow ambivalent about the scale and tracking my calories because I know I’m shedding weight and it’s not really about the weight as much anymore, it’s about what I allow myself to eat.
And what’s worse is knowing that tomorrow I’ll be a different person with a different outlook, energy, personality, and goals.
