Self Expression Magazine

The Oscars – as Seen from My Couch…

Posted on the 23 February 2015 by Martinisandminivans @martinisandmini

oscarsLike many others, I celebrate the Oscars by putting on my best pair of sweatpants, busting out the chips I hide from the kids and popping open a cheap bottle of wine. Then I hunker down on the couch and get my tweeting fingers ready. Award shows are to tweeters what naked butt pictures are to Kim Kardashian.

But I understand that Twitter isn’t for everyone. Especially one of my neighbors who can’t stop calling it Twatter.

So I collected some of my observations I tweeted last night and posted them here.

- It’s Christmas Day for me – the #Oscars! I’ve decorated the house in Spanx & bronzer and am wearing my best sweatpants for the occasion.

– Quote from 6 yr old daughter seeing J Lo: “Oh no. There’s too many boobies in that dress.” #OscarsRedCarpet

- Oh Melanie Griffith. I remember the days when we would be able to see if you were happy or sad. #OscarsRedCarpet

I’m so excited that Lady Gaga is going to help do the dishes after the Oscars. What a team player. #rubbergloves #OscarsRedCarpet

– Oh Reese. I want to love your dress because I love you. But the truth is that I didn’t know ace bandages came in black. #OscarsRedCarpet

– I feel bad for Lupita. There’s a plethora of inappropriate pearl necklace jokes in her foreseeable future. #OscarsRedCarpet

– How awesome would be it be if Adam Levine was secretly wearing fake tattoo sleeves this whole time. #Oscars

- Spoiler: they are going to find J Lo’s bra in the glass box with Neil Patrick Harris’ predictions. #Oscars #Oscars2015

I will love the #oscars forever if Adam Sandberg comes back on stage with a box on his junk.

Wait! Kerry Washington actually walks like that?? I thought only Olivia Pope did it when she was saving the world and drinking wine. #Oscars

– I have great respect for a host that can make a balls joke on the fly. Well done Neil Patrick Harris.  #Oscars

- I feel bad for Gwyneth Paltrow. It sucks when a pink shark eats your arm and just leaves a bunch of seaweed on your shoulder. #Oscars

- The irony is not lost on me that my husband just muted the tv during the award for sound mixing. #oscars

- Can you consciously uncouple with a dress? #gwenythpaltrow #Oscars

- Terrence Howard’s speech was weird. But then again, it’s hard out here for a pimp. When you’re trying to get the money for the rent. #Oscars

- Naomi Watts. Sorry part of your dress was stolen. Guessing it was by some pissed moms who are ticked you look like that after kids. #Oscars

- Someone wake me up when someone streaks the stage or thanks their hamster. #Oscars #Oscars2015

And then I fell asleep. Fingers holding my phone and all. Cause that’s how real people watch the Oscars.

What about you? Did you watch? What did you think?

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