The Power of Insanity

To anyone who actually knows me, you probably have noticed that I'm a weird person. I'm not that good socially, I hate groups of people, when I am around more than one person or a small group if I'm comfortable talking to all of them, I just freeze up and don't know how to act so I don't say anything unless I have to. People think I'm quite, almost everyone does. I'm not, I love talking, I love connecting, I love doing things; It's just hard when those things usually involve more than one person.
I have real mental problems, those I feel comfortable telling you like this, and others that I want to keep to my self. But long story short, I'm fucked up.
I am going through a mental breakdown of sorts. I don't know exactly what to call it. I want to do stuff now, for years I have been locked in my room watching TV, movies, playing video games, I'm fucking sick of letting life pass me by. I have lived more in my last two months than the rest of my life combined and I LOVE IT!!!
Losing my mind was the best thing to ever happen to me; in the last two months I've emotionally bonded with a 38 year old prostitute, started a blog where I put out all of my most personal things out to the world, fallen in love with a person I've never had a real conversation with, acted on those feelings and screwed it up, fell in love again in an even weirder way where I moved back to my home town and in a bizarre moment of confusion and spontaneity I asked this girl to marry me after a week and her surprisingly not freaking out. And now breaking up with that girl and staying together as best friends, and thats just off the top of my head and there are other things that I can't tell you do to confidences that I can't break because that not how I do people. My life is fucked up and I cry often, like almost daily, there is nothing stable in my life right now; It's hard sometimes, sometimes I just want to give it up and go back to my room, with my computers, TVs, gaming systems, but I don't want that, I don't know what I want, but it is definitely not that.
This is not over, I'm out of the jail of boredom and now am living an exciting life, one full of love, heartache, drama, and good old fashion awkwardness. This is who I am now, I'm that guys who doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks and just does whatever he wants, says whatever he wants, loves whoever he wants to love, rips on whoever he wants to rip on, and most of all just DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT ANYONE THINKS OF HIM!!! It's fucking liberating, I know that most everyone I know, everyone I might talk to tomorrow, or the next day, or their parents are going to read this and I don't care that they know everything about me, I don't, hell I want you all to know who I am, why do you think I spend hours writing these fucking things.
My name is Nicholas Dillon McDonald, I was born on the 25th of April 1994, I am 18 years old, blond hair, blue eyes, my penis is 7 inches long, I sleep naked, I have oddly saggy balls, and I have no fucking clue of an idea of what I want to do when I grow up, I have no idea what I want to do tomorrow, why would I even think about 10, 5, fuck even 1 year down the road, I don't care, I will find my way, everyone does. I wouldn't be surprised to find my self living in a third world country, sometime in the next few years. At the rate of increasing weirdness in my life hell I probably will. Watch out Haiti!!! I'm coming to fuck up some more of your shit!!!
Nick McDonald