I realized this morning what my deal has been this week: you know, why I am feeling – right now – so wiped out. I sort of feel like I imagine how lava feels, once its cooled down but is still moving just not moving quickly. Molasses mind. It could be described as sticky, tenacious feeling of what was once completely destructive in a microwave-sense-of-quick now becoming dense and the opposite of mercurial.
Traveling solo and leaving the children behind is automatically a bit of a hot bed of emotion for me, but leaving the children behind and during that absence having a gas explosion in front of the house next door and the entire block evacuated does not add a warm and fuzzy icing on the cake. At all.
There were several other shocks to my system including Emma’s high school counselor waving an “expulsion” flag in front of my panicked eyes – and the red alert was like automatic rifles shooting through my gut and causing all sorts of interior, invisible to the eye damage.
My realization of this is critical and if I was Pollyanna, I would say “very exciting!” with perhaps a few extra exclamation points.
Instead, I will admit the realization and its partner, understanding and continued processing is what will get me into a better emotional space. Even as I write this I am smiling again: I am clearly being self coach, self therapist and self any other clinician who works with humans to help them actualize and improve.
1. Stuff happens.
2. Sometimes stuff piles on top of other stuff.
3. The natural response differs between people and is different each time. If the stuff is piled upon other discombobulation, discomfort may leave a deeper mark. This isn’t a sign of somehow being weak, or bad, or unevolved, it is a natural part of being human.
4. The best way to heal the stuff upon the stuff upon the stuff is whatever version of rest suits you. This may be exercise, this may be writing, this may be sex or other intimacy, this may be silence with friends, this may be prayer, this may be a combination of the above or others that best suit you.
5. There is no magic key or jealously guarded secret that will make the progress “easier or better” for you.
6. Forgive yourself for any responses you felt were “less than” who you know yourself to be.
7. Repeat as needed.
8. Instead, I will admit the realization and its partner, understanding and continued processing is what will get me into a better emotional space. Even as I write this I am smiling again: I am clearly being self coach, self therapist and self any other clinician who works with humans to help them actualize and improve.
9. Instead, I will admit the realization and its partner, understanding and continued processing is what will get me into a better emotional space. Even as I write this I am smiling again: I am clearly being self coach, self therapist and self any other clinician who works with humans to help them actualize and improve.
Simply taking the time to write this down has cleared my system a bit. I feel happier, more content and definitely “on my way” in a way I haven’t felt since the flight from Houston to Bakersfield when I knew there had been an explosion and evacuation but didn’t know what would face me once I landed.
From the poem by Mary Jean Irion:
“Today: Let me learn from you, love you, savor you, bless you before you depart.”
It is satisfying to have this start.
* * * * *
This post is Number 28 of 30 and was inspired by the Ultimate Blog
Challenge. Throughout the month I will be posting writing and creativity tips
especially to make your writing (and your writing experience!) better.
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